


Guaranteed To Blow Your Mind

by BambiRex



Series: Guaranteed To Blow Your Mind!Verse [1]
Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Aftercare, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Asphyxiation, BDSM, BDSM Clubs, Bad BDSM Etiquette, Blindfolds, Bondage, Choking, Collars, Dom/sub, F/F, Feathers & Featherplay, Handcuffs, Hurt/Comfort, Kink Negotiation, Lapdance, Lingerie, Nipple Play, Oral Sex, Praise Kink, Punishment, Roleplay, Rope Bondage, Safewords, Semi-Public Sex, Sensory Deprivation, Sexual Roleplay, Spanking, Strip Tease, Subspace, Tickling, Vaginal Fingering, Vibrators, dom!Joan, fem!queen, it's gonna have a happy ending i promise, king!au, other tags will be added later on, protective joan, sub!Brianna
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-25
Updated: 2020-02-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:15:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 34,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22401673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BambiRex/pseuds/BambiRex
Summary: When Joan spots a frightened woman in a BDSM club, she immediately knows what she needs to do. Brianna never experienced what it felt like to be treated well, and Joan is more than inclined to show it to her, as well as introducing her to healthy dom/sub dynamics.
Relationships: John Deacon/Brian May
Series: Guaranteed To Blow Your Mind!Verse [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1612279
Comments: 54
Kudos: 111





	1. Broken Bird

**Author's Note:**

> I received quite a lot of requests on my Tumblr about this particluar dynamic, and I got inspired, and decided to make their story into a full-blown fic instead of having it scattered all over the place.
> 
> Some elements (especially in the beginning) could be triggering, so please, read with caution.
> 
> If you like it, drop me a comment! :))

This was all wrong.

Joan instantly felt her otherwise overly-sweet cocktail (the place was great, but they just couldn’t manage to produce decent drinks; Joan has been coming here for years now, trying out almost everything she could find on the drinks menu, but she never once had anything that didn’t taste like someone just dumped a gallon of sugar into the glass) turn bitter in her mouth as she watched the scene unfold before her eyes.

She has seen all kinds of things –this is a BDSM club, for fuck’s sake-, but she never once saw anything that was so clearly non-consensual. Subs were getting dragged around on all fours, leashes attached to the collars around their necks, and still, none of them seemed nearly as uncomfortable as this girl. Because those subs, they have clearly given constent beforehand, and enjoyed this treatment as much as their dom, if not more. Joan could tell by looking at their faces, seeing that dazed, almost love-sick look in their eyes, deeply lost in their headspace. Even if they seemed to be treated like dogs, sometimes, Joan could see that it was consensual, and it chased all her worries away when she stumbled upon a scene like that. She, herself, wasn’t exactly into the rough side of BDSM, but she sure as hell wasn’t gonna judge anyone who was, as long as it was comfortable for all parties involved.

The look on the sub’s face wasn’t that hazy, sated one; from what Joan could tell from this distance, she was probably not even in subspace properly, just forcing herself along for the ride, and Joan felt an uncomfortable feeling prickle inside her stomach as she watched her get dragged and pushed around.

She looked like a deer in the headlights, her eyes big and panicked as her dom gave her a quite painful looking shove between her shoulderblades, all the while laughing like this was somehow the funniest thing he has ever experienced. Joan knew there were subs that liked to be manhandled, pushed around and yanked, but this girl was so clearly not into it.

The guy slammed her down onto one of the bar stools so hard that she almost fell over; even from where she was sitting, Joan could see how the girl’s lower lip wobbled, trying to hold back a sob that was threatening to break trough the surface.

She put her glass down and stood, walking over to the bar before she could stop herself; it was probably better not to interfere, some doms could be quite aggressive (those types Joan greatly despised; according to her, no one, absolutely no one should be allowed to take part in a BDSM scene if they have anger-issues), and this was a guy, much taller than Joan, though he wasn’t very strongly built. Still, Joan knew she was risking her own safety by marching over to them, but she couldn’t just sit back and watch this girl being mistreated. You’re too chivalrous, always playing the mighty knight, her friends had always told her.

_It’s just gonna get you in trouble. Stay out of other people’s petty fights, and then you might still have your face intact by the time you go home._

Except, this wasn’t a petty fight, it was someone clearly abusing their power, taking advantage of their role and using it on the way no one should. And if there was something Joan hated with a burning passion, it was this.

The sub opened her mouth to say something to her dom that Joan didn’t quite catch, but the next thing she knew, the guy raised his hand to strike, and Joan caught his arm in the air, mere inches away from the poor girl’s face. At least she could use her quick reflexes to her advantage if the man decides he’s gonna try and beat up a woman. And well, considering the fact he was about to slap another one across the face, it seemed like a real threat.

’’What in the hell do you think you’re doing?” Joan asked, trying to keep her voice calm despite the almost animalistic, primal rage that bubbled up inside her. She wanted to bite the guy’s head off straight away, but the last thing she wanted is to scare the poor girl even more. She definitely doesn’t need two aggressive doms snarling at each other over her head.

’’I could ask you the same thing.” The man growled, yanking his arm out of Joan’s grip. Joan quickly positioned herself between the bar stool and him, protecting the sub with her body, just in case he wanted to try and strike again.

Joan stood her ground, looking up at the guy with all the determination inside her. He raised a mocking eyebrow, but she wasn’t about to be swayed.

’’You cannot treat someone like that.” Joan said, her voice so cold it could freeze the air around them. ’’I saw what you were doing.”

The man snorted, making a face like Joan was the vilest creature he has ever seen in his entire life.

’’What was I doing, pray tell? I just sat her down.”

’’Yeah, after pushing and shoving at her while she was clearly uncomfortable.” Joan glanced behind herself at the girl, but she was being no help, siding with no one as she stared at the ground, face half-hidden by the curly bush of a hair on her head.

’’She’s not uncomfortable. You’re not uncomfortable, are you, baby?” He made sure to soften his voice, but it sounded artificial, like those sticky substitutes for white sugar, and Joan felt her skin crawl. His eyes were completely empty of any kind of emotion as he looked at his sub, and that just made his sudden switch to overexaggerated sweetness seem all the more disgusting.

The girl still didn’t look up, but she shook her head quickly, and something about the expression on her face made Joan’s stomach drop. She was uncomfortable, she clearly was, even the blind could see it, but she didn’t dare say it. It wasn’t just bad BDSM-etiquette.

Joan stumbled on a borderline abusive relationship.

Anger started rising inside her again at the thought, hot and molten, searing across her very core. This man, right here, was taking advantage of this girl in every way he could, and he didn’t show any sign of remorse. In fact, he seemed quite pleased with himself: like he didn’t even realize his treatment of his girlfriend was anything, but normal. Or more like, didn’t care at all. 

’’Why don’t you let her speak for herself?” Joan challenged him, which was probably the wrong choice, because the guy gave her a shove, that almost sent her stumbling straight into the girl’s lap, just barely managing to balance herself with a hand catching onto the side of the bar to keep herself upright.

’’Who the fuck are you to tell me what to do!?” He spat, nostrils flaring like an angry bull’s as he stared down at Joan. ’’I’m her dom, I can do to her whatever I please!”

Joan’s brain was filled with a thick, red fog. She always considered herself a fairly calm person that usually managed to solve conflict without blood being spilled, but this man’s attitude was absolutely disgusting, and Joan wasn’t going to stand for it. She felt an almost unbearable desire to save this girl from the claws of this monster, pull her out of the darkness and show her how it felt to be treated like a fucking human being. Joan didn’t know her at all, but she knew she didn’t deserve this. No one did.

Her fist collided with the man’s face, hitting him square in the jaw before she could think it through; she managed to catch him by surprise, and he stumbled back against the bar, clutching a hand over his bloody nose.

Joan grabbed the girl’s hand and pulled her along as she made her way through the crowd as quickly as possible before the guy could go after them or security could notice what happened and tackled Joan. Technically, by the looks of it, it seemed like Joan was attacking him for no reason, so she would absolutely get her ass kicked if they saw what happened, and she definitely didn’t fancy the idea of spending her night at the police station, trying to explain why she hit him, which would only result in being ridiculed. As accepted as BDSM was slowly becoming these days, still quite a lot of people considered people who were into it freaks, and the explanation –I decked him, officer, because his sub didn’t give consent to be treated like garbage- would surely get them nowhere.

The girl didn’t even try to break free of her hold and go back to her boyfriend; she followed Joan blindly, close on her heels, not knowing where they were going or who the hell Joan even was, the only thing she knew it was a sudden chance bursting out of nowhere to become free, to escape from Hal, to finally –at least for a short while –not feel like no matter what she did, it was all wrong.

They ran and ran, until they finally got far away from the club, and Joan deemed the distance safe; she had absolutely no idea where they were either, she took the girl down dark alleys and hidden streets, running in a confusing criss-cross pattern in case her boyfriend followed them; it was easier to hide if they didn’t follow a linear path.

They stopped, and Joan could finally take a good look at the girl: she was tall, even taller than Joan, and absolutely rail-thin, looking so fragile despite her impressive height that Joan was scared to squeeze her hand too hard, scared that she might shatter her like a dainty porcelain cup. She had the most gorgeous hazel eyes Joan has ever seen, blinking down at her from under long lashes, pink lips caught between pointy teeth. Her features weren’t exactly soft, with a long, crooked nose and a square jaw, but Joan found herself intrigued by her; she wasn’t, perhaps, a conventional beauty, but she was pretty, soft and elegant, like a painting, with a fire inside her eyes that was dimming, but Joan could tell that in the right hands, it could flare up again. Her hair was a right mess of wild, dark-brown curls; she was that perfect imperfection that Joan has been looking for in her entire life.

’’Are you okay?” She asked, keeping her voice as gentle as possible. The girl blinked again, rapidly, like she was trying to make sense of what the hell just happened. She probably was.

’’Yeah…” She said quietly, clearing her throat. She didn’t really know what to do or say now; everything happened so bloody fast, she didn’t have any time to truly understand what this meant now: she left her boyfriend behind, and she was hiding in an alley with a complete stranger.

’’No offence, but…what the hell do you want?” She asked, and despite the crude wording, her voice was trembling a little; which made sense, Joan thought, considering everything that has went down in a span of…it was probably only twenty minutes or so, holy shit.

’’I just couldn’t keep watching what he was doing.” Joan explained softly. Their hands were still tightly clasped together, but to her surprise, the girl made no effort to pull her hand away.

She hummed softly, ducking her head. Hal never hurt her before, never slapped her outside of their scenes, but he wanted to today, and she couldn’t help the bile that rose in her throat. He was right. She was such a terrible, insufferable sub that he lost his patience. She didn’t want to come to this club, and so she said no, which wasn’t allowed, and she knew that, and yet, she was being a brat. Hal hated it when she was being a brat. And yes, it hurt when Hal pushed her around and called her awful names, but she deserved it, didn’t she? She wasn’t being obedient enough. Not at all how a decent sub should behave.

’’I’m Joan.” The other girl said, pulling her out of her thoughts. She was looking up at her intently, holding her gaze, and she found herself looking back down at her, despite how much she wanted to just stare at the ground, hoping for it to open and swallow her whole.

’’Brianna.” She replied, and for some inexplicable reason, her heart fluttered a little when the dom smiled, revealing a truly endearing little gap between her front teeth.

’’Look, I haven’t really thought this through.” Joan admitted, putting her serious face back on. ’’I just saw that he was being an asshole, and I just had to intervene. I had to get you out of there.”

Brianna hummed again, not really knowing how to respond for a few seconds. It warmed her heart a bit, the fact that someone saw her discomfort and wanted to help, but again, she didn’t need any help. She was treated exactly how she deserved to be treated.

’’Thanks.” She said quietly, taking a step back, which didn’t fail to catch Joan’s attention. ’’But it was fine, really. It was…a scene.”

Her lie didn’t sound convincing, not even to her own ears, and Joan didn’t buy her bullshit either.

’’No, it wasn’t.” She said softly but with just enough firmness of her voice to make sure the message gets through. ’’If it was, and if it was consensual, you wouldn’t have looked like you were about to have a mental breakdown.”

Maybe she was being a little crude, but it seemed like Brianna was pretty well conditioned into thinking this was normal: the way she immediately shook her head when her boyfriend asked her if she was feeling uncomfortable, how she didn’t even react when he started shouting and then shoved Joan, and how she insisted she was okay now. Joan had to make sure she understands that she could have so much better.

’’Look.” She continued softly. ’’I don’t really know the full story, but your boyfriend seems like an abusive prick.”

’’He never hit me!” Brianna protested, and Joan gave her a look that made her retailate immediately.

’’He wanted to, today.” Joan reminded her, and Brianna’s gaze shifted to her feet again. ’’Has it ever happened before?”

’’No.” Brianna said, shaking her head. ’’No, I swear.”

’’But he was controlling.” Joan pointed it out. ’’He said just because your his sub he thinks he can do anything. That’s not only bad BDSM etiquette, but abusive.”

’’But he’s right.” Brianna argued, and Joan was taken aback by the sudden flare of emotions in her eyes. ’’That’s the whole point.”

Joan’s jaw nearly dropped. Just what kind of horseshit was this guy feeding her about BDSM?

’’No, it’s not.” Joan countered, but Brianna didn’t seem convinced, at all. Joan was suddenly very much aware how chilly the night has gotten around them.

’’Look, we can’t stay out here on the streets. I don’t want him to find us, and it’s freezing.”

’’I have to go back.” Brianna said, and her voice started trembling again. The idea made her sick to her stomach, but where else would she go? All her stuff was at their flat.

’’You want to go back to him?” Joan asked, in disbelief. Brianna seemed conflicted for a few seconds. She didn’t want to, not particularly, being called an awful sub again and being punished, having to sleep on the floor like an animal, but she didn’t really have any other options.

’’I have to.” She said, and that was all Joan needed. She could tell that deep down, Brianna knew exactly that it wasn’t right, that she didn’t deserve this treatment, that she deserved better; now Joan just had to work hard to make sure this rational sound was louder than the emotionally manipulative bullshit her dom stuffed her head full with.

’’You don’t have to.” Joan promised, giving Brianna’s hand a gentle squeeze. ’’Come home with me. You can stay for as long as you like. Just until we figure out what to do.”

’’I can’t…I don’t want to be a burden.” Brianna said, and Joan counted it as a success; she was expecting Brianna to keep arguing about her boyfriend being a great dom, somehow, despite he obviously wasn’t, but she seemed to be giving in a little bit. That rational voice, the one Joan had to beckon out to the surface, spoke a little louder this time.

’’You won’t be.” She promised, and Brianna’s shoulders slumped a little. She seemed exhausted, all the happenings of the night getting to her quickly.

’’Come home with me. I’m going to keep you safe.”

And maybe Brianna was too tired to fight, or she really caught a glimpse of what it felt like being spoken to gently instead of snarled down at like she was an animal that soiled an expensive rug, but she found herself agreeing.

Brianna was fast asleep in her bed in a matter of minutes, still in her clothes, but Joan let her. She was clearly overwhelmed, and was in dire need of a good rest.

Joan sat beside her on the bed, watching her sleeping form. She was so damn vulnerable, and lonely. Joan wondered if she had any friends, someone to turn to when things became too much for her at home. Did she have a support network to reach out to, people that lifted her when she fell? She seemed so isolated from the rest of the world, like the only person that existed for her was Hal. Maybe it was true. It wasn’t uncommon for an abuser to cut their partner out from their previous social life.

Joan’s heart truly ached for her. Here she was, so young and full of life, but it was draining out of her from the way she was treated. And Hal might have not hit her before, but he was abusing her, do doubt, acting entitled to her even if Brianna didn’t feel like it. It was the most unhealthy power dynamic Joan has ever seen, and had she had a weaker stomach, she would honestly throw up.

Brianna deserved the most gentle, most caring dom in the entire world that would give her the perfect treatment; someone that treated her as an equal, who didn’t expect her to engage in things she wasn’t comfortable with, who could separate BDSM-stuff from their regular life and didn’t let it dictate the way they lived, who actually cared about her and her needs, not just their own.

Joan knew she was more than capable and willing to give this to her, but right now, she only had to be a strong shoulder for Brianna to cry on.


	2. Boundaries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brianna has a lot to learn: being honest is one of them.

Brianna woke up to the feeling of…hair in her face. Not a common occurence, Hal’s hair is very short and spiky, so why does she have a mouth full of long, soft hair…?

Then she remembered. She wasn’t at home, in her flat. She was with Joan, they fell asleep in her bed. Slowly, the happenings of the previous night came back and she groaned, burying her face deeper into the crook of Joan’s neck. Maybe it was a tad bit inappropriate, spooning a total stranger like you have been dating for months, but Joan was warm, and there was a sense of comfort and security radiating off her that drew Brianna in like a moth to the flame. She seemed kind and gentle, but she was also firm and took no shit from anyone (if the fact she absolutely decked Hal upon meeting him was any indication), and for the first time in about a year, Brianna felt safe and protected. She never truly felt safe with Hal; he was sweet sometimes, as much as he could muster it, but he was never protective. Had the situation been different and someone came to grab Brianna against her will, Hal would probably just sit back and enjoy it. Not like he didn’t fantasize about passing Brianna over to strangers to ’play’, which made Brianna’s skin crawl and her stomach churn. Everything was so jumbled up in her head: on one hand, she knew, that Hal was her dom, her boyfriend, she belonged to him, and technically, he wasn’t that bad, it could have been worse…

But there was a tiny, more rational voice inside her that told her she would be better off without him. It’s not like she hasn’t thought about leaving him before, only to get scared and change her mind in the very last second. Maybe it was her chance to flee, to finally gather up enough courage to move on, to get rid of the heavy blanket of anxiety and self-doubts that always covered her with Hal around.

Joan stirred awake, and Brianna immediately pulled back, not wanting to crowd her. It was probably inappropriate, really. Just because Joan hit Hal and pulled her away last night didn’t mean she is interested in Brianna in any way. Life is not a romantic fantasy where the knight rescues the princess from the dragon. Joan wasn’t a knight, just a fellow woman who got fed up with a man’s bullshit, Brianna wasn’t a princess just an insecure mess, and Hal wasn’t a dragon, just an idiot. Time to wake up, in every sense of the way.

’’Mornin’.” Joan slurred, rolling onto her back to look up at Brianna who was now sitting up against the headboard, hands folded in her laps over the blanket.  
Some color returned to her cheeks, Joan mused as she took in her face. Amazing what a good night’s sleep can do to an otherwise quite beaten-down person.

’’Did you sleep well?”

Brianna gave her a weak little smile, like she was afraid that smiling any wider would be too impolite. ’’I did. Thanks.”

Joan yawned, rubbing the last remnants of sleep from her eyes before scrambling up into a half-sitting position. She fell asleep in last night’s clothes too, not feeling like leaving Brianna behind while she went to shower, and now she damned herself for falling asleep with her belt buckle digging into her stomach. Never again, not even for a pretty girl.

’’I’m gonna make us some breakfast, how does that sound?” She asked, turning to Brianna with a warm smile. Brianna shrugged, but that strangely polite smile was still on her face. Joan wasn’t sure if she liked it; it seemed way too much like the product of someone controlling her and conditioning her to be an obedient doll.

’’Great.” Brianna replied, and Joan lightly patted her shoulder before she slid off the bed. She grabbed some clean clothes for herself from the wardrobe, before digging around for something that might fit Brianna, and then passed it to her.

’’You might want to take a shower while I’m preparing our breakfast.” She advised, and Brianna frowned, making Joan chuckle softly. ’’I’m not saying you smell or anything, don’t worry. But I think it would feel refreshing.”

Well, Brianna certainly couldn’t argue with that. She didn’t even brush her teeth just passed out on Joan’s bed, and though Joan might say she didn’t smell, Brianna still wouldn’t dare to stay in those clothes any longer. She padded out to the bathroom after Joan explained her where she could find it, and then just stood under the hot spray for long, long moments. She could moan from how amazing it felt against her tense muscles, washing away all the awful memories of last night.

Joan wasn’t humming under her breath while she cooked the eggs and bacon like she usually would. Her mind was way too occupied with Brianna. That poor, poor girl. Why did she have to stumble into Hal, of all people? Why did assholes like him exist, whose favorite hobby is to humiliate and ridicule a woman? Joan wondered if Hal was experienced in BDSM, just didn’t care about Brianna’s needs, or if he didn’t even know what he was doing; not like that would give him a free pass, obviously. She wondered if Brianna was experienced, just caved in to the emotional manipulation. Joan didn’t like to think about the other option, that it was Brianna’s first relationship with a BDSM-theme, and she was introduced to the scene by a downright asshole. Did she even like BDSM? Or was she just forced into it? Did she love Hal? Did she realize that she was being mistreated? Would she want to leave him? Has she ever thought about running away from him? Is she happy that Joan helped her escape from him? Would she want to go back?

Her thoughts were running a mile a minute as she slid the eggs and the bacon onto two plates, frowning. This whole mess with Brianna and Hal just couldn’t stop nagging at her. She wondered how much she hadn’t seen, how much worse that relationship could even be. If Hal was the one that introduced Brianna to the BDSM-scene, that would mean damage beyond repair, probably.

She barely noticed when Brianna appeared in the kitchen, only when she cleared her throat a little awkwardly, leaning against the doorframe while rubbing at her arm. Joan’s shirt was a little small on her, riding up over her hips, and her ankles hung out of the pants, but other than that, she looked fairly fine. Joan gave her a smile, and Brianna returned it, a little more earnest than before.

’’I hope you like bacon and eggs.” Joan said softly, putting the plates down onto the table. She didn’t miss the way Brianna’s face fell, honest to god looking like she was going to get sick.

’’What’s wrong?” Joan asked, ready to catch her if she was about to pass out, but Brianna just shook her head with a forced little smile.

’’Nothing. I love it.” She croaked, and Joan raised an eyebrow at her. That girl was just an awful liar.

’’You can tell me if you don’t like it.” Joan said softly, watching as Brianna’s shoulders slumped. ’’I’m not going to get mad at you.”

Maybe that was the catch. Did that asshole get mad at Brianna if she said no to something? Sure, maybe Brianna was just that demure and overly polite, but Joan didn’t really feel like this was the reason. She might be shy in general, but surely not that shy?

Brianna fidgeted with her hands nervously, and Joan was horrified to see tears in her eyes. No, that wasn’t Brianna’s personality. That was someone who was well conditioned into being an obedient little toy, even outside of a scene, and with this realization, Joan was the one that felt like vomiting now.

’’I’m vegetarian.” She admitted quietly, barely audible. ’’I’m sorry, Joan.”

Joan wanted to scream ’’what the fuck are you sorry for, how could you be sorry about this!?”, but that would have been the worst possible approach. So instead, she walked over to Brianna and took her hands, rubbing her thumb over her knuckles comfortingly.

’’It’s okay.” She said, giving her hand a little squeeze. ’’There’s nothing to be sorry for. I’m gonna make you something else, okay?”

’’No, you don’t have to do it for me.” Brianna said quickly, shaking her head. ’’It’s okay, I can eat it.”

’’No, you can’t.” Joan said firmly, hoping the message will get across more efficiently this way. 

’’You’re a vegetarian, I’m not going to force you to eat meat. I’m not going to force you to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”

Brianna nodded, chewing on her bottom lip nervously. She looked like one second away from just going and flogging herself for refusing Joan’s food, and Joan was now more than sure it was Hal’s influence. That fucking bastard. Joan just wanted to find him and deck him even harder than last night. No, she would kick him in the fucking balls until they broke.

Joan made a few pancakes from mix, keeping an eye on Brianna all the while. She looked a little bit more relaxed, like the fact that Joan wasn’t going to punish her for ’’disobeying’’ her was finally sinking in, but she still looked absolutely awkward sitting at the table, not daring to look up, just staring forward.

They ate in silence, with Joan constantly replaying everything she experienced from Brianna’s behavior so far. An honest conversation was definitely in store; if she had dragged her here, she wasn’t going to let her leave with her head full of borderline abusive bullshit. She might as well try and talk some sense into her before she completely drains herself for people that didn’t deserve it.

’’Are you feeling uncomfortable?” She asked once they both cleared their plates. Brianna looked at her like she was crazy.

’’What do you mean?” She asked, leaning back in her chair, but not in a comfortable way, more like she wanted to be as far away from Joan as possible. Joan made a mental note of that before she continued.

’’What I’m saying. Are you feeling uncomfortable here with me?”

Brianna shook her head quickly, staring down into her empty plate. ’’No, I’m not.”

’’Brianna.” Joan warned her gently, watching as Brianna raised her eyes again, looking up at her from under her lashes coyly. ’’I would like you to be honest with me. You can tell me if you don’t like something.”

She was deliberately trying to goad Brianna into opening up about her relationship, to confirm Joan’s fears. She wanted to see if she was right.

’’No, I swear.” Brianna said quickly, shaking her head with so much fervor her curls were flying in every direction. ’’I’m fine, thank you.”

Joan gave her a look, before reaching for her hand again. She didn’t like the way Brianna flinched.

’’Are you scared I’m going to punish you if you say that you are uncomfortable?” 

Maybe that was a little too on the nose now, but Joan could tell that Brianna was quite stubborn, and they could be sitting here for a week and she would still insist everything is fine. And Joan wasn’t gonna let her lie to herself.

Brianna went as pale as a sheet, her eyes big and panicked as she looked at Joan. She half-expected to be yelled at, to be called a bad sub, but all she could see was gentleness in Joan’s eyes; maybe she really was sincere, after all. Maybe she wouldn’t hurt Brianna.

Her throat went so dry she couldn’t say anything, so she settled for a nod instead, shifting her gaze to her plate again. Joan took a deep breath before letting it out slowly.

’’I’m not going to do that. You are allowed to say no. Did…did Hal tell you you are not?”

She’s not going to hurt you, Brianna reminded herself. All Joan did so far was to protect her and making sure she was okay. Brianna wasn’t one-hundred percent sure what her intentions were just yet, but she felt like she could trust her, at least a little bit.

She nodded again, quick to explain herself when she saw Joan’s expression.

’’But, that’s how it works!” She almost yelled, and Joan was taken aback. There was that fire in her eyes that Joan wanted to fester; that life that was drained due to Hal. 

’’He’s a dom, I’m a sub. I’m supposed to do what he wants.” Brianna sounded like a damn robot as she said that, so obviously reciting what has been told her. Jesus fucking Christ, Joan thought. It really is just as bad as she imagined.

’’That’s not true.” Joan said, cutting Brianna off before she could protest. ’’That’s now what it means. A dom and a sub are equals.”

Brianna scoffed, yanking her hand back. ’’No. Then it would be just vanilla sex.”

Now she sounded like a petulant child, insistent on her own bullshit. Thank god Joan was a patient person.

’’Not exactly.” Joan said, her lips twitching, but she knew better then to smile when Brianna was sulking like that. ’’It is a power dynamic in bed. But only in bed. You should never, ever bring it out into your everyday life.”

’’Why not?” Brianna asked, confused. Hal always told her that’s how it worked: he was a dom, which meant Brianna has to do the dishes, and she didn’t argue with that, because isn’t that what it means? That she has to bend to her dom’s will? Otherwise, what was the point?

’’Because it’s not healthy.” Joan said, never taking her eyes off Brianna’s face to make sure her words will sink in. ’’No person should be above the other. Preferring to be in a dominant role doesn’t give anyone a free pass to treat you like garbage; you are both humans, with feelings. What you do in bed should nothing to do with who orders the drinks, who vacuums, stuff like that…because it seems like you two did it like that. You had strict roles and it dominated your non-sexual relationship too, am I right?”

Brianna didn’t even have to say anything to confirm it to Joan, the look on her face was more than enough.

’’Even during a scene,” Joan continued, leaning a little bit more forward, ’’you are allowed to say no. You are allowed to say if something is too much. That’s what your safeword is for.”

’’What?” Brianna asked, utterly confused, and Joan wanted to scream.

’’Your safeword.” She repeated, horrified to see the blank look on Brianna’s face. ’’Did you…did you not have a safeword?”

’’No.” Brianna said it with such ease like this was the most normal thing in the whole world, and Joan felt her hand ball up into a fist under the table. She is definitely gonna hunt this guy down.

’’Did you use colors instead?” She asked, grasping onto the last hope, but she knew exactly the answer is going to be no again; and it was.

’’How did you stop a scene, then? How did you tell Hal when you didn’t like something?” Joan asked, trying to mask the disgust in her voice. She didn’t want Brianna to think she was judging her. Oh, no, she was judging someone else, so hard she hoped it would break his neck.

’’I don’t know what you want from me.” Brianna’s voice was panicked, gripping onto the edge of the table like she was scared she was going to pass out, her knuckles turning white. Joan placed her hand over hers, giving her a gentle squeeze.

’’I want it to be better for you.” Joan explained slowly, like she was talking to a frightened child. ’’I want to you to know what healthy BDSM feels like. Brianna, look at me. Please.”

Brianna did, her eyes swimming with tears, and Joan’s heart broke for her all over again.

’’Your relationship with Hal wasn’t healthy. He was abusing you.” She didn’t let Brianna get away with protesting, because she continued.

’’I know that you said he didn’t hit you, but abuse is not always physical. He was controlling you, treating you like a toy for his own pleasure, and never cared about what you wanted. All the things he said to you about BDSM? Forget it. It was just a load of horseshit to make himself feel better about the way he was treating you. A dom doesn’t own you. You are a whole person yourself, and just because you liked to be spanked, that doesn’t mean they can do whatever the hell they want to you.”

Brianna seemed to be finally listening, though she was still trembling like a leaf. Joan rubbed comforting circles onto the back of her hand with her thumbs.

’’Is this your first BDSM relationship?” She asked, dreading the answer. Brianna nodded, and Joan sighed deeply.

’’Do you even like BDSM, Brianna? Are you even submissive, for real?”

’’Yes.” Brianna said, and finally it seemed like it was her talking, and not Hal. ’’I…I tried some stuff before him too, just not seriously. I always…I always wanted it. And I knew that I like it, just…”

’’Not with him.” Joan finished it for her, and Brianna sighed, giving an uncertain little nod. Well, that was still a win according to Joan. She finally managed to see a little bit of light. Now Joan just had to open the window fully to let it all inside.

’’I’m sorry that your first real experience was with someone like him.” Joan said honestly, and Brianna slumped, some of the tension leaving her body.

’’You need to rewrite everything he ever said. Because that wasn’t real. All that garbage about him being above you, that you are not allowed to say no, that you have to do things you’re not comfortable with? No more of that. You are going to have a fresh start, Brianna.”

’’I doubt he would want that.” Brianna said, and Joan could see that she was finally understanding what Joan has been saying.

’’Are you in love with him?” Joan asked, surprised to see how quickly Brianna shook her head.

’’I haven’t been for a long time.” She admitted, and it felt like a huge burden has fallen off her shoulders. It felt liberating to say it out loud; she wasn’t in love with him, she just tolerated him and didn’t realize she could have better. But maybe she could.

’’I don’t want to go back to him.” She said, her voice fully determined. She knew this newfound confidence might dissipate, that Hal was living too deeply inside her head for it to be that simple, and Joan knew that too, but baby steps. It was a start, the very beginning of the clean slate.

’’You don’t have to.” Joan promised. She desperately wanted to say that Brianna is more than welcome to stay at her place, but she didn’t want to force her into anything. If she would prefer staying with a friend or her parents or someone else that wasn’t Hal, Joan sure as hell won’t close the door before her.

’’We’re gonna figure something out.” She promised, and Brianna finally smiled, much more relaxed than before. They sat in comfortable silence for a while, with Joan giving plenty of time for Brianna to digest this revelations, before she spoke again.

’’What are your boundaries?”

Brianna stared at her, seemingly not grasping the question. ’’My…my boundaries?”

’’Things you like to do and things you don’t, related to BDSM.” Joan explained. ’’I think it’s gonna help you a lot with articulating your needs in the future if you tell me them now.”

Brianna blushed deeply from head to toe. Joan gently patted her hand.

’’You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” She promised. ’’But I think it would really help. Some practice, you know?”

Joan was right about that. And she was kind and caring and she definitely wasn’t going to hurt Brianna. She truly just wanted to help. Brianna took a deep breath, turning an even deeper shade of red.

’’I didn’t like it when he slapped me across the face. And when he spat on me.”

Joan felt her stomach churn. Now those she hated too, so she could absolutely understand Brianna. She even said so, to make her relax a little, to show her that it was okay to talk about this.

’’I didn’t like it when he left me behind.” Brianna continued, shuddering at the memories. ’’When he…punished me by making me sleep on the floor or something.”

’’God…” Joan growled. What a fucking monster. ’’I’m sorry, Brianna. This is not okay.”

’’And I didn’t like it when he said he would share me with strangers and watch. I didn’t want that.” Her voice trembled, and Joan squeezed her hand a little tighter.

’’Did that ever happen? Did he force you to sleep with other people?” Joan asked, screaming ’please say no’ inside. She breathed a sigh of relief when Brianna shook her head.

’’No, but he wanted to. That’s why he took me to the club yesterday. I was disobedient, told him I didn’t want to, and that is why he was yanking me.”

’’You weren’t disobedient.” Joan reminded softly. ’’You have limits, and it was one of them. He should have listened.”

Brianna fell silent, chewing on her lip. Bad habit, Joan thought. Those poor, pretty lips.

’’What about the things you like?” She asked, and Brianna blushed again.

’’I’m not sure…” She admitted quietly. ’’I mean…I know a few things that turned me on in theory or when I did it with an old classmate once, but nothing was too…enjoyable with him.”

’’You’re gonna need to explore, then.” Joan said. ’’You’re gonna need to try with a dom that actually cares about you, and experiment. You have a list of things you don’t like already, and now you just have to find what you like. It’s a good first step, Brianna. Thank you for telling me all that.”

She gave Brianna a little smile, which she returned, and it finally, finally reached her eyes too.

They sat in silence for a while again, Brianna contemplating everything that has been said. She wanted that fresh start too. But how? How is she going to find a dom that would care about her? Who would want to start over with her, showing her everything she needed to know? Who could be patient enough to explore with her?

She looked up at Joan again, and she blushed. So far, connected to BDSM, she has only met one person that seemed patient and caring enough (and who was quite attractive, as Brianna has immediately realized).

She was talking before she could stop herself.

’’Are you a dom?”

’’I am.” Joan replied, a little confused. Brianna bit her lip, her cheeks turning red.

’’Do you…uh…do you have a sub? Like…”

Joan couldn’t help but smile. If it was going where she hoped it was going, she was absolutely thrilled.

’’No. I’m single.”

Brianna breathed a sigh of relief, before looking up at Joan again. She waited for her patiently, not rushing Brianna, letting her do this at her own pace.

’’Would you…” her voice trailed off, before she continued. ’’Would you show me?”

’’Show you what?” Joan asked. She knew what Brianna meant, given their earlier conversation, but she needed her to confirm it.

’’What it’s like to have…healthy BDSM stuff.” Brianna said, fidgeting with her hands nervously. God, she was being inappropriate again, she barely knows Joan…

’’You want me to show you a few scenes?” Joan checked, trying to keep the excitement out of her voice. Brianna nodded coyly, and Joan tutted.

’’I need to hear your words.” Another thing that Brianna has to learn how to do properly; communicate.

’’Yes.” Brianna said, looking up with a new wave of determinaton washing across her features.

’’Would you help me?”

Joan smiled, tucking a curl behind Brianna’s ears, making her lips curl into a coy smile.

’’Gladly.”


	3. Freedom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brianna takes the first steps to finally letting go of old habits and discover new and healthy ones, and Joan is there to help her as she promised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're having a scene at the end of the chapter, but it's soft, because baby steps :)

First things first, Brianna had to close things off with Hal.

She had been thinking, dreaming about this for a while now: just getting up and walking away, but Hal always made her feel insecure enough not do that.

_Who would love you like I do, baby? You’re such an exhaustingly boring sub, no one else would want to bother with you. You’re disobedient and oversensitive; nothing is ever good enough for you. Who do you think would take care of you when you don’t even know how to be a proper sub?_

Maybe he was right. Maybe she shouldn’t bother and just stick with him; after all, she tried to say no to so many things, surely that was a little annoying? What was the point of partaking in BDSM if she’s such a dainty snowflake about everything? Maybe she should just pull her shit together and suck it up; after all, she could have had it a lot worse, and yet, Hal tolerated her.

No. No, not this again. It was stupid, it was manipulation, it was abusive; he only said those things to make himself feel better about treating Brianna like shit. She has to try and drown out his voice, and focus on Joan instead. She was the one that actually cared about her: she showed more respect to Brianna in the span of two days than Hal ever did throughout their relationship. She had to leave him, for good. She had to follow what Joan has said, had to stand up for herself and letting herself be treated right. Because she deserved it.

Joan insisted on coming with her: she was fairly sure Brianna would be easier to break if she went alone, caving in to Hal’s emotional manipulation again, being beaten down into submission in the worst way possible. She had to be there, as a strong moral support. And, physical, if it ever came to it again.

Needless to say, Hal wasn’t too thrilled. He didn’t say anything, just watched with a grim expression as Brianna packed her stuff. It was going way too easy, Joan thought suspiciously; there was no way Hal would give in so easily and just let her Brianna go on her merry way to emancipation. Sure enough, just as Brianna put the last of her things away, he opened his mouth.

’’You know you’re making a mistake, right, baby?”

His voice was dripping with artificial sweetness, and Joan felt her stomach churn. She expected the guy to pounce on her after their confrontation in the club, but he coldly ignored Joan, like she wasn’t even in the room. Though now Joan was the one to feel like starting a fight.

Brianna didn’t reply, but she shuffled closer to Joan, seeking out her protection. Joan stepped forward, essentially shielding Brianna with her body.

’’We’re leaving.” She said, determined, looking up at Hal with unmasked disgust. ’’Don’t even try and come after her.”

’’I won’t.” Hal said, his lips curling into a dangerous smirk. ’’She will be the one running back to me in no time.”

’’I doubt it.” Joan growled, glancing back at Brianna; she was horrified to see the uncertain expression on her face.

’’You will.” Hal said, now addressing Brianna. ’’Because she will get bored of you. What the hell would she want of you, anyways? You would just cry to her all the time. You’re no use to her, and you know that. She just wants to have some fun with a girl and then she will get rid of you.”

The not even that subtle lesbophobia was the least of Joan’s worries as she saw the tears welling up in Brianna’s eyes at his words.

’’Leave her alone.” Joan growled, her hands balling up into fists against her sides. ’’I’m more than happy to punch you again if you don’t shut up.”

Much to Joan’s satisfaction, his nose was still quite swollen, and if she had to take a wild guess, it was probably broken. Hal visibly flinched at the thought, but snarled down at Joan all the same.

’’She will come back to me because she knows I’m the only one who could handle her.’’

Joan decided not to reply to that; she was pretty sure this will end up in a bloodbath if they don’t get the hell out of there, but it wouldn’t be Joan’s blood that would spill.

It would be Hal’s.

’’We will see about that.” Joan said eventually, taking Brianna’s hand. She followed her without a word, trying to block out Hal’s voice as he kept spitting insults at Joan and kept telling her that she would come back anyways.

They were already in the car when Brianna started shaking and the tears started spilling out. Joan didn’t hesitate before wrapping her arm around her shoulders, pulling her close.

’’It’s okay.” She murmured softly, letting Brianna hide her face in her neck. ’’It’s over.”

’’Maybe he’s right…” Brianna sniffled, her shoulders slumping. ’’You will just get bored of me…”

’’Hey no, none of that.” Joan said gently but firmly, cupping Brianna’s cheek. Maybe there was a little bit too much touching going on despite the fact they have known each other for a few days, but it seemed to calm Brianna, and that was the most important thing.

’’He’s full of shit, and you know that. He wants you to feel bad about yourself; if you do that, you’re letting him win.”

Brianna let out a shuddering breath, leaning into Joan’s touch. She knew that Joan was right, that Hal was using her weak spots to get at her, and it wasn’t true. Nothing he said was true. It was time for Brianna to let go of her insecurities and stop doubting herself.

Joan let Brianna weep into her shoulder for a while, gently rubbing her back until she managed to get her breathing under control again.

’’Let’s go home, yeah?”

Brianna nodded. Home. Joan has offered her to stay, and Brianna didn’t really feel like going elsewhere; she felt oddly safe with Joan around. She was a grounding presence in the middle of the chaos Brianna has gotten herself into since she started dating Hal; heaven knows she really was in the need of a safe place and an anchor to hold onto.

They spent the afternoon getting to know each other. Joan didn’t necessarily minded getting it on with strangers –that’s why she was at the club the evening she spotted Brianna, after all-but she wanted it to be different with Brianna. She genuinely wanted to get to know her better before they get into anything. Realistically, she knew she was getting herself into trouble, because Brianna had self-esteem and trust issues, and she was just a stranger, and they were about to fall into a BDSM…affair? Was it an affair? What could you call that after only a few days of knowing each other? That was quite the mess Joan was stepping into, but she couldn’t help it; she desperately wanted to help Brianna, and it was just that. Helping a new friend in need. And if it involved some BDSM scenes, then, well. So be it.

Brianna was a truly fascinating person, Joan has found. She was awfully smart, and as Joan has learned, she was teaching Physics at the university. Quite impressive. She was shy and soft-spoken, but had a strong opinion about everything; Joan could have listened to her for hours. She was hurt, but she wasn’t broken, and she was stronger than she gave herself credit for. She also had a dry sense of humor that matched Joan’s.

In turn, Joan has told her about her job as an engineer, told her about her family, and she could see Brianna relax more and more in her presence. Joan didn’t want to rush things: there were way too many factors here that would cause Brianna to crush if they rushed it. Fresh out of an abusive relationship and getting treated like garbage, about to fall into a stranger’s arms. There was no way in hell Joan would grab her and spank her out of the blue before she at least found out her favorite color.

Brianna really did enjoy Joan’s company: it was clear she wanted Brianna to feel as comfortable as possible, and she did. Joan was everything Hal wasn’t: kind, caring, attentive, and strong. Because Hal sure as hell wasn’t: a man threatening women and treating them like shit was nothing but a great sign of weakness. Joan made her feel at ease: Brianna honestly felt like she has known Joan her entire life. She wasn’t a saint, a savior, but she was human, clear and honest about her intentions, and that was exactly what Brianna needed. 

Maybe she has found herself not listening too intently to Joan’s story anymore, as her gaze drifted to her lips: Joan was beautiful, not in the conventional, fashion magazine way, but she caught Brianna’s attention all the same. She found her sparkling green eyes and the little gap between her teeth truly endearing, and the way her eyes crinkled when she smiled. And Brianna sure as hell never felt her heart beat so fast with Hal, not even when they started dating.

She was dimly aware that Joan was still talking, but she could only focus on those lips, thinking about how soft they might be against her own.

Brianna found out soon enough as she leaned in to press their lips together chastely before pulling back quickly, her cheeks pinkening. Joan looked shocked for a few seconds: she definitely didn’t expect shy, reserved Brianna to make the first move, but then she smiled, cupping Brianna’s cheek and leaning in until their lips met again.

It felt strangely natural; Brianna wasn’t a big fan of kissing someone on the first date (was this even a date? They were just sitting on the floor of Joan’s bedroom and chatting, but for some reason, Brianna couldn’t help but think about it as a date), but she found herself nearly melting as Joan’s hands cradled her cheeks, her soft lips sweet as honey against her own.

Joan pulled away, peppering kisses all over her cheeks, her nose, her forehead, and Brianna felt herself blush even deeper with each little peck. Green eyes bore into hazel ones deeply, and a smile formed on Joan’s lips.

’’Is this okay?” She asked. Brianna initiated it, yes, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t change her mind; Joan felt like she needed to check in with her. She didn’t want Brianna to rush just because she felt like she had to prove something to Joan, or to herself, for that matter.

’’Yes.” Brianna said, and her voice sounded more certain than any time before. She licked her lips tentatively, her gaze shifting to Joan’s mouth again.

’’We could try it tonight.” Brianna said, unable to stop a little smile from tugging at her lips. This might be rash, but she didn’t want to wait: she has done enough waiting while she tried to gather enough courage to walk out of the trap that was her relationship. She wasn’t sure what she felt for Joan, but she felt warm, safe…and happy with her. Joan wouldn’t hurt her, wouldn’t take advantage of her vulnerability, or at least Brianna hoped so. She would keep one eye open, just in case, but so far, all Joan did was help and care for her. Excitement was prickling her skin from the idea that Joan might manage to show her a world that she wanted to be a part of, but never got introduced to properly enough. She wanted that feeling, that burn that she only experienced once when she experimented with an old classmate: it wasn’t proper BDSM, but Brianna would always remember how it felt to give up control, and yet not letting herself be used against her will. That was the feeling she was chasing in her entire life, and that was the feeling Joan promised will give to her.

’’A scene?” Joan checked for confirmation, and Brianna nodded, her cheeks turning a different shade of pink, one of pure excitement. She wanted to wash away Hal and his awful behavior: she wanted to get her body and her mind back, and she wanted Joan to help her with that.

’’We don’t have to just yet.” Joan promised, stroking her cheeks. ’’There’s no need to rush.”

’’I want to.” Brianna said, and she meant it, one-hundred percent. ’’I want to try.”

Joan contemplated it. Brianna sure seemed more certain than before; even better, she seemed to be desiring it, that sparkle of lust glimmering dimly in her eyes. And Joan would stop any minute, if Brianna so much as showed any sign of discomfort. Brianna asked for her help, and Joan promised her she was going to help. She wanted to.

’’Alright. We need to set a few rules, okay?” She asked, pushing Brianna away slightly when she tried to go in for another kiss. Joan chuckled, gently bopping her nose.

’’Patience. Hear me out, okay?”

Brianna nodded, though she was already buzzing with excitement. She trusted Joan, more than she should trust a relative stranger, but she couldn’t help it. She just did.

’’We’re not doing anything heavy tonight.” Joan continued. ’’This is almost new territory to you, at least in a healthy way. I was thinking maybe a little bit of bondage, if you are into that.”

Brianna flushed, but nodded. She was into that. This is what she did with that old classmate, and the mere idea made her heated. Funny enough, Hal never liked to tie her up. Oh, yeah. Probably because that was something Brianna enjoyed, and god forbid she got her way.

’’We have to find a way for you to stop the scene if it becomes too much. What would you prefer, the color system, or a safeword?”

’’Can you…explain the color system to me?” Brianna asked, nervously chewing on her lip. She felt so stupid for not knowing, but then she reminded herself that it wasn’t exactly her fault.

Joan felt anger rise up inside her at the thought that Hal didn’t even mention this to his sub, but then, she had a job to do here; if Brianna didn’t understand something, she wasn’t gonna boil in her rage towards Hal, but help her like she promised she would.

’’We could use green, yellow and red. Green is for permission, yellow is for slowing down, and red is for stopping the scene.”

Brianna tilted her head to the side as she was thinking it through, and Joan giddily thought that she looked like a smart puppy this way.

’’I think I would want a safeword instead.” Brianna said, and Joan nodded.

’’Alright. Then choose one. Anything you like. It doesn’t have to be sexual, it’s probably better if it isn’t.”

Brianna was thinking about it for a while, squinting her eyes. She was a damn professor, and yet she couldn’t come up with a simple word.

’’Don’t overthink it.” Joan laughed softly. ’’Anything that comes to mind.”

Brianna hummed, then suddenly her eyes shone, and she looked like she just had the idea of the century.

’’Butter?”

’’Sounds good to me.” Joan chuckled, and she was now unable to resist kissing the tip of Brianna’s nose, causing her to go adorably cross-eyed for a second.

’’So you will say ’’butter” if you want me to stop. If you say that, I’m gonna stop immediately.”

Brianna nodded, scooting closer until she could wrap her arms around Joan’s neck, clinging to her. ’’That’s lovely.” She said quietly.

It’s not lovely, it’s normal, Joan wanted to say, but she thought better of it. The last thing she wanted is Brianna to feel like her lack of knowledge was somehow her fault.

She carded her fingers through Brianna’s curls, marvelling in how soft and warm they were. Brianna leaned in again, and this time Joan didn’t deny her the kiss. They let their lips and tongues explore, slowly, taking their time; everytime Brianna tried to rush, Joan deliberately slowed them down, pulling away until Brianna returned to the lazier pace. She didn’t let her hand wander just yet, only staying on Brianna’s cheeks or her shoulders. She wasn’t in this for the sex only: they had all the time in the world to figure out what Brianna liked and what she didn’t like, and Joan wasn’t going to rush the process.

Brianna pulled away, pressing their foreheads together, her hands squeezing Joan’s shoulders delicately. She stayed like this for a while, and Joan thought she changed her mind for a second, but then she spoke again.

’’Are we going to make love?”

Joan wanted to, she really did, but it didn’t seem like a good idea just yet. ’’I’d love to.” She said, tucking a curl behind Brianna’s ear. ’’But not tonight. I don’t want our first time to be connected to BDSM.”

Ah, yes. The lecture about separating their regular lives from the scenes: it was nearly always BDSM with Hal, but Joan wanted it to be different. She wanted to treasure Brianna and give her her attention in every way she could, and Brianna would have lied if she said it didn’t make her heart flutter.

She had half the mind to protest- she was just human, after all, and she did want to fuck Joan, mind her- but Joan was probably right. 

Brianna let herself be pulled into another kiss, and this time she was pulled onto her feet; this way, she had to crane her neck a little, considering Joan was a bit shorter, but she still felt safe and protected as Joan’s arms wound around her waist, pulling her close. She wrapped her own arms around Joan’s neck, letting herself be lost again in the feeling of warm lips pressing against her own.

She nearly whined from the loss when Joan eventually pulled away, but her interest spiked as Joan fished around for something in the drawer of the bedside table. Her breath hitched as she pulled out a silk rope.

’’I don’t want to use anything that would chafe you too much right now.” Joan explained, letting Brianna touch the fabric. It was soft, but just sturdy enough that she would feel it digging into her wrists.

’’How does that sound?”

’’Good.” Brianna breathed, and Joan smiled, pecking her lips again.

’’Get on the bed for me.” She made sure her voice was the perfect mixture of sweet and commanding: she wasn’t going to bark like Hal, but she wasn’t going to be too soft, either. One step at a time.

Brianna did, nearly tripping over her own feet in her haste; after that shitshow with Hal, she didn’t think she would ever feel excited over a scene again, and yet here she was, eager to be tied up by Joan. She seated herself against the pillows, blushing as Joan straddled her hips.

’’Remember, safeword if you want me to stop. I’m not going to do anything, I’m just gonna tie you up and we will see how you like it.” Joan explained, reaching for her wrist. She looked at Brianna for confirmation, and she nodded, smiling a little.

Joan was clearly a natural: she fastened her wrists against the bedpost in no time, pulling the restraints tight. Brianna gave the rope a few experimental tugs: it barely budged.

’’Good?” Joan asked, and Brianna nodded, her cheeks warming. Joan sat back on her hips, stroking her flushed face gently.

There was that feeling again: that heady, dizzy feeling of giving up control and yet not feeling helpless. If anything, she felt safe, like those ropes were keeping her steady and sane. They did dug into her wrists, applying just enough pressure for them to be noticeable, but they didn’t exactly hurt. She was sprawled out on Joan’s sheets, technically at her mercy; Joan could do whatever the hell she wanted, she could even slap her across the face or straight up kill her, and she would be defenseless. And yet, she wasn’t scared. Joan would never hurt her, she would protect her, no matter what. She was at her mercy, but Joan made sure to use that power right.

She couldn’t help it when her eyes slipped closed; she almost felt sleepy with how comfortable she was. It was like she was born to be tied up to that bed, born to have Joan on top of her and caressing her cheeks. It was so calm, so peaceful, just dancing on the fine line between soft BDSM and vanilla. If Brianna could have her way, she would never ask Joan to untie her anymore.

Joan could tell Brianna was slipping into subspace; her eyes were drooping, her cheeks were pink, and she was practically purring, leaning into Joan’s touch as she cradled her cheeks. Joan wondered if she ever had been tied up properly, if she ever had anything soft and yet heavy. She seemed to be enjoying herself greatly, and that was what mattered.

’’You look beautiful.” Joan mused, tracing a finger down Brianna’s neck, stopping just above her collarbone.

’’So pliant. Perfect.”

Brianna drew in a sharp breath, but Joan could see her lips twitching into a mellow smile. A praise kink, perhaps?

’’I could watch you forever.” Joan continued, and she felt Brianna tremble beneath her slightly. ’’You look so perfect tied up like that. There are so many things I want to do to you.”

Brianna licked her lips, letting out a happy sigh as Joan carded her fingers through her curls.

’’I’m going to take such good care of you, Dove.”

Brianna smiled softly at the nickname. It sounded nice. She has never been called that before, but it was lovely. Everything Joan was doing and saying was lovely.

Joan smiled, kissing her cheek softly. Brianna was slipping under, slowly letting go of all of her coherent thoughts, just floating mindlessly under Joan’s care. Perfect. This is exactly what Joan wanted: for Brianna to relax, to feel safe, to not be scared of her own desires anymore. This was obviously a tiny baby step just yet, heavier things were surely in store, but that was already a win.

And Joan wasn’t kidding when she said she was going to take care of her.


	4. Experiment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brianna's first (healthy) dom/sub scene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I packed this chapter full of smut. I would say warnings, but considering the plot of this fic, I guess it's not that big of a surprise :D

As Joan has promised, their lovemaking was exactly that: no rush, no kinky stuff, just genuine, pure pleasure. Brianna seemed even shyer than when she was tied up to the bed, blushing as Joan kissed her body all over, murmuring quiet endearments into her skin; once again, Joan wondered if she ever got truly pleasured, if Hal ever focused on giving her a good time and not just having sex as a cum-and-go kind of deal. To be honest, she doubted it. What else would she expect from someone who didn’t allow his sub to have a safeword?

But Joan made sure she would be the exact opposite: she teased Brianna until she was soaking wet and trembling, spreading her thighs impatiently, and only then did she slip her fingers inside. Her pace was slow, gentle: every time Brianna impatiently thrusted up her hips, trying to get her to move faster, Joan grabbed her hips and gently held them down. ’’Slowly.” Joan reminded her, pressing a kiss just below her jaw, earning a hum from Brianna. She wanted to shower Brianna in all the affection she deserved but never got; she wanted to make this special, wanted this to last. Maybe she was overthinking it a little bit. They probably hadn’t known each other long enough to fall in love, but Brianna meant more to her than just a friend with benefits, than a ’’student” whom she teaches the healthy side of kinky and then lets her go on her merry way; it was different somehow, and it was all the more reason why Joan wanted to savour every single moment with her.

To be completely honest, it wasn’t that different than when she tied Brianna up to the bed, except for the fact that now they were actually having sex, and Brianna wasn’t in subspace. But she had the same flushed cheeks, the same shy expression, and Joan spoiled her all the same. Sure, she was the one that told Brianna how important it was to separate BDSM from regular sex, but obviously, there would be meeting points sometimes; it’s not like the little bondage they have done was so heavy anyways.

It felt like hours have passed until Brianna came, shuddering with a gasp and hiding her face in Joan’s neck who kissed all over her flushed cheeks. She gave Brianna plenty of time to recover before she let Brianna roll them over.

Brianna on top was even more impatient, and Joan had to grab her wrist many times to slow her down. It made sense, in a way: it’s not like she has ever seen a good example, ever experienced what it was like to truly enjoy something and not just get it done like it was a particularly unpleasant task. Everytime Joan stopped her, Brianna clammed up, her shoulders drawn up and tense, subconsciously expecting to be yelled at, to be called terrible names and be punished. Joan whispered to her softly, told her that it was okay. She just needed some time to let go of Hal’s shadow. Recovery couldn’t be rushed that way. ’’You’re doing so good.” Joan has praised her when Brianna finally slowed down and stopped ramming into her like a rock-drill. The last thing she wanted is for Brianna to feel bad about anything. She wasn’t Hal, she wasn’t going to use the most ridiculous reasons to punish Brianna for. She needed to see that she was allowed to make mistakes, allowed to get things wrong sometimes.

It wasn’t the best sexual encounter Joan has ever had, but Brianna defnitely had potential; once she lets go of past insecurities, she will be able to make Joan scream. Right now, what they achieved was more than enough.

Brianna clung to her like a koala after, tucking her face away in the crook of Joan’s neck, her arms and legs all tangled around Joan. It was insane how she managed to completely wrap herself around her, refusing to let go. No like Joan wanted to leave her.

She pressed a gentle kiss onto Brianna’s temple, nuzzling her curls. ’’How are you feeling?” She asked, feeling Brianna relax into her arms.

’’Good.” Brianna replied, and her voice was sincere, and so were her eyes when she looked up at Joan, giving her a soft smile. ’’Great.” She added, kissing Joan’s chin sweetly, making her chuckle.

’’I’m glad. Rest now. You will need your energy for the rest of the day.”

Brianna momentarily tensed before deflating again, a curious spark appearing in her hazel eyes, and Joan couldn’t help but smirk.

’’Are we having plans?” Brianna perked up, detangling herself a little from Joan to push herself up on her elbows, looking down at her curiously. The fact that she let the sheets slip, not so shy about being naked anymore put a smile on Joan’s face.

’’Yes.” Joan said, bringing up a hand to cup Brianna’s petite breast, her thumb brushing a nipple, smirking when Brianna gasped softly. She let herself toy with the sensitive nub, watching as Brianna’s cheeks flushed, her lower lip caught between her teeth. She was soon squirming, squeezing her thighs together. Joan suddenly gave a harsh tug, and Brianna let out a loud moan, her hips bucking forward against nothing, the flush on her skin deepening. Joan took a mental note of that before pulling her hand away, making Brianna whine at the loss.

’’Rest.” Joan said softly but firmly, and Brianna immediately lay back against her chest, albeit a little sulking. It was good to know that Brianna reacted to Joan’s orders so well, almost instinctively. Good. Exactly what Joan was aiming for.

Brianna nearly balked when the car had come to a halt before a sex shop, but Joan looked as cool as a cucumber, like she was just dropping by for groceries. She gave Brianna a soft smile, squeezing her knee.

’’I was thinking we could experiment a little.” She said, making sure to drop her voice down by a few octaves, marvelling in the way Brianna’s pupils dilated and her skin broke out in goosebumps. Joan has been told her voice would make even other doms submit to her, and well; Brianna was the living proof it worked.

’’We could gather a few things and see how much you enjoy, or don’t enjoy them. Make a little list of things you are into and what you hate.” She brushed a stray curl out of Brianna’s face before stroking her already flushed cheeks.

’’Is this okay?”

Brianna swallowed thickly, eyeing the sex shop. She wasn’t sure what to expect: last time she had any experience with sex shops, it wasn’t exactly positive. Hal and his stupid leather fetish. But again, she had to remind herself of the same thing that she kept telling herself everyday: Joan wasn’t Hal. She was different, she wanted it to be just as good for Brianna as herself. She wouldn’t force Brianna into anything she didn’t want.

She gave a little nod and an uncertain smile, and Joan pressed their lips together in an encouraging little kiss. It was crazy how quickly they clicked, how natural these domestic little things, like randomly kissing each other when they felt like it were. Brianna definitely wasn’t complaining about that.

Joan opened the car door for her, offering a hand and Brianna grinned. Joan could be so chivalrous, so protective, and she would have lied if she said it didn’t make her heart flutter happily.

She kind of expected the shop assistant to be a young man or a woman, and her jaw nearly dropped when an elderly lady, that looked like an adorable grandma shuffled out from behind the cash register, grinning up at Joan.

’’Dear! Long time no see!”

’’Did you miss me, Ms. Farley?” Joan grinned, and Brianna stood utterly confused. Joan noticed her strange expression, and she laughed softly.

’’Let’s just say I used to be a regular here.” Joan explained, and Brianna had to fight back a growl at the thought of Joan playing with other subs. God, she shouldn’t feel jealous, they weren’t even officially together, not to mention Joan literally saved her from the claws of a previous dom, so she really shouldn’t throw stones. Still, she preferred to think of Joan as hers completely.

’’Hello, Dear.” Ms. Farley greeted Brianna, and the younger woman blushed. It was kind of a surreal experience, standing in the middle of a sex shop with a cute granny acting like she was just selling candy, and not anal beads.

’’Hello.” Brianna replied politely, looking at Joan for help, who laughed, grabbing her hand and pulling her aside.

’’Don’t worry, she’s not judgy. Now. Let’s take a look around, shall we?”

Brianna nodded coyly, blushing again as she looked up at the shelves, stacked full of all kinds of kinky things she could imagine. She frowned at the leather section and quickly moved along. Joan made the first bulletpoint of her mental list.

She eyed the vibrators curiously. It was like the damn candy shop, really, dildos in every shape and size and form, and Brianna couldn’t help but laugh at one that was precariously shaped like a hammer.

’’Fancy anything?” Joan purred, wrapping her arms around her middle from behind. Brianna whipped her head around with a nervous look, but Ms. Farley was sitting behind the counter reading, not paying them any attention. She relaxed instantly, though her cheeks were still quite red.

’’I don’t know.” She admitted softly, looking back at the collection again. Joan hummed thoughtfully before reaching for a pink one that was small and shaped like an egg.

’’What do you think about this?” She asked, slipping it into Brianna’s palm. Brianna hummed thoughtfully, weighing it. It was tiny, but heavy; there was a little remote attached to it, and when Joan pressed the button to test the vibrations, Brianna nearly dropped it.

’’It has a strong motor, huh?” Joan teased. She stood on the tips of her toes to give Brianna’s earlobe a little nip, making her shiver.

’’I have an idea, involving this little baby…have you ever tried orgasm denial?”

Brianna hated how she blushed again, but fuck, Joan’s voice was too sexy, and she was holding a vibrating egg in her hand, and Joan was whispering into her ears about orgasm denial. Of course it was hard to keep her composure like this.

She shook her head meekly, and Joan smirked, a mischievous glint sparkling in her eyes.

’’Would you want to give it a try?” She husked, one hand squeezing Brianna’s thin hips, the other cupping her cheek to turn her head towards her.

’’What do you say? Would you want to be at my mercy? Only allowed to come when I let you?”

Brianna shivered at her words, and when Joan dropped a kiss onto the little dip where her neck met her shoulders, she knew she would never be able to resist. Not like she wanted to: the idea of desperately wanting to come, placing her own pleasure in Joan’s hands thrilled her in a way she didn’t realize it could. She really just needed a caring dom to kick her submissive instincts into full gear.

’’Yes.” She breathed, earning a kiss onto her cheek as a reward, and she instantly melted back in Joan’s arms.

Joan smiled proudly. It was a little bit of a gamble, what with Brianna still needing quite the push to let herself go, but it wasn’t that deep of a water than like, flogging her. It was kinky, it was BDSM, but it wasn’t rough and probably not too traumatising. And the idea of seeing Brianna squirm in pleasure, begging for release…well, it did sent delighted chills down Joan’s spine.

She noticed Brianna looking over the shelves, chewing on her bottom lip, seemingly contemplating what else to get. That was a good sign: she kind of expected Brianna to turn around and run away, too overwhelmed, but then she reminded herself, that Brianna, in fact, was a sub, and she was kinky. She just wasn’t treated like she should have been, but that didn’t mean she was a prude. Very far from it, actually.

Brianna’s cheeks were red, and she barely dared looking Joan in the eyes as she reached for a collar, running her fingers over the silk tentatively. It was a beautiful baby blue one, with a little coin dangling off it. Joan peered over her shoulders, and she would have lied if she said the mental image of Brianna wearing that didn’t make her panties soaked.

’’You like that?” Joan asked, and Brianna ducked her head, looking up at her from under her lashes coyly. Now that was a sight and a half.

’’Do you?” Brianna asked, and Joan smiled, gently bopping her on the nose.

’’You know what I said: whatever you like. But for the record, I do. I think it would look beautiful on you.”

Brianna’s lips twitched into a little smile, and her fingers tightened around the collar. She seemed to have made her mind up about taking it.

Joan eyed the nipple clamps for a few seconds, remembering Brianna’s delicious reaction to getting her nipples pinched, but she waved the idea away. Maybe next time.

Ms. Farley rung the items –the vibrating egg and the collar- cheerfully, absolutely not judging just as Joan promised. She gave Brianna’s hand an encouraging squeeze, and this time, Brianna’s smile was a little less shy.

Brianna appreciated not being thrusted right into the middle of it. With Hal, there wasn’t so much foreplay; if he wanted something, he wanted to get it as quickly as possible. It was completely different with Joan; she made sure Brianna was riled up enough and in the right headspace before approaching her with anything.

They started out kissing, slow at first, with barely any tongue, just pecking each other on the lips. Joan was a really good kisser: she could make Brianna melt with those lips, sweet and soft, but rough if needed. Brianna tilted her head back, opening her mouth, allowing Joan to slip her tongue inside, gasping softly as she licked around the inside of her mouth, exploring every nook and cranny until Brianna was shivering just from that, holding onto Joan’s shoulders and pulling her close. There was a tipping point when the kiss transitioned from soft and gentle to more rough: she could feel as Joan’s tongue danced along hers before it thrusted forward, practically fucking her mouth. Teeth were tugging on Brianna’s bottom lip, making her gasp and chase the feeling, the tiny amount of pain flaring up, and the little peck right at the same place that soothed it right away. Brianna was pretty sure she could get addicted to Joan’s kisses, high and intoxicated on those lips, wanting more and more until she was consumed in the pleasure, until there was nothing left but the feeling of Joan’s tongue sliding along hers.

One of Joan’s hands sneaked under her shirt to cup her breasts, pinching a quickly hardening nipple, rolling it between her fingers slowly. Brianna couldn’t hold back a moan as her hips rocked forward, seeking out friction. Joan wasn’t in too much rush again: she was playing with her breasts almost lazily, like it was just a curious game to her, and Brianna felt her blood spike with excitement and impatience. She scrambled up and straddled Joan’s laps, wounding her arms around her neck. Joan didn’t stop her from doing it quick this time: she let Brianna kiss her hungrily, rocking her hips against Joan’s. Joan kept teasing her nipples while her other hand slid down to Brianna’s butt, squeezing it.

’’Is it time to play?” Joan teased, grinning as Brianna chased after her lips as she pulled away. Brianna was already flushed, her pupils blown wide with lust, her lips kiss-bitten and red.

’’I think so.” Brianna breathed, shivering as Joan placed a kiss onto her throat, tongue sneaking out just barely to lick the sensitive skin.

’’Get off my lap a little, Dove.”

Brianna wanted to pout, but she obeyed, sliding off Joan’s lap and watching hungrily as Joan bent over to retrieve the toys they bought today. She turned back to Brianna, her eyes softening.

’’Take your clothes off for me.” 

Brianna blushed, but her hands went to pull her shirt over her head, goosebumps rising on her skin when the cool air touched her bare torso. It was nonsense to feel so shy, Joan had seen her naked when they made love, but still. It was so intimate, so open and vulnerable. Joan just smiled, raking her eyes over her body.

’’You’re beautiful.” She breathed, and Brianna’s heart fluttered: she could tell Joan was sincere, and that was enough for her to gather enough courage to get rid of the last of her clothing, standing before Joan now completely naked.

Joan licked her lips appreciatively, taking in the sight of her, before speaking softly.

’’Come here, Dove.”

Brianna walked over to her, her heart pounding in her chest as Joan fastened the collar around her neck. It was tight, but not uncomfortable, not enough to choke her if it wasn’t being pulled on too hard. Joan shook her head in disbelief, grinning.

’’You have no idea how gorgeous you look with it. It’s perfect.”

She teased a hand over the silky material, toying with the little coin, all the while keeping eye contact with Brianna.

’’Maybe we should get your name engraved into this coin.” She purred, hooking a finger under the collar, pulling Brianna closer. She could feel her swallowing, her neck moving under her fingers.

’’Or maybe we should get my name on it. So people will know you are mine.”

Joan watched for any sign of discomfort, if Brianna freaked out over her words, but she didn’t see any. If anything, she just saw her flush deeper, her lips parted on a little gasp that sounded absolutely delicious.

’’Would you like that?” Joan continued, stroking Brianna’s cheek. ’’Would you like the world to know that you’re mine?”

’’Yes.” Brianna moaned, without a pause. She was sliding into subspace, trembling with want.

’’I would like to be called Ma’am throughout our sessions. Is that alright with you?” Joan checked again, and Brianna nodded, licking her lips. Joan lightly slapped her on the butt, not too hard, but enough to make her breath hitch in her throat.

’’Words.” She reminded Brianna again. She still had trouble with communication, but baby steps. The little spank on the rear didn’t seem too much of a problem for her, if her hooded eyes were any indication.

’’Sorry.” Brianna breathed, licking her dry lips. ’’It’s…alright with me. Erm, Ma’am.”

Joan grinned, patting her cheek. ’’Good girl.”

Brianna sighed happily at the phrase, and Joan couldn’t resist pressing one last kiss onto her lips before pulling back, holding the egg and a bottle of lube up for Brianna to see.

’’Now I want you to listen, Dove. I’m going to need you to kneel for me prettily, and I’m gonna put this inside you. You’re not allowed to come until I let you, otherwise you will be punished. You’re going to pleasure me with your mouth. Tell me if this scene is alright with you.”

Brianna moaned softly, but she quickly pulled herself together to answer.

’’Yes…it’s alright with me. Ma’am.” She added quickly, and Joan smiled.

’’Even the punishment part?” That one was tricky. Considering Hal’s awful behavior towards Brianna and his punishments, Joan was contemplating not including this rule at all. But this was also a part of BDSM, and she wanted Brianna to stop being afraid of it. She wanted her to live up to her full submissive potential, to be brave enough to give up control and indulge both herself and Joan. 

Brianna was chewing on her lips for a while, contemplating it. She looked up after a while, her eyelashes fluttering.

’’What kind of punishment would that be?” She asked, her voice trembling a little. Joan noticed, and she made her voice as as soft as possible.

’’Spanking.” She said, and she could hear Brianna breathe a sigh of relief. Hal’s punishment was making her sleep on the floor like an animal, or forcing her to be naked all day and ’’put on a show” for him. Spanking sounded much better, even exciting.

’’Okay.” Brianna said, giving Joan a smile. ’’I can handle that, Ma’am.”

Joan wasn’t sure why her heart fluttered, but it did, and she smiled back, stroking Brianna’s face again.

’’Alright. You know, if you don’t like it, we can always stop. You can always say your safeword, and then the scene is over.”

’’Alright. Thank you, Ma’am.” Brianna wasn’t sure why she was thanking Joan: maybe for giving her the oppurtinity to stop a scene, for being so caring, for helping her break free of Hal. For everything, perhaps.

’’Good girl.” Joan said, placing a hand on Brianna’s shoulder and pushing her lightly. ’’On your knees for me, gorgeous.”

Brianna went like a dream, looking up at Joan like she was the center of her world, and for the first time, Joan blushed. She knew she had quite the effect on subs, she knew most people bent to her will easily, but there was something in Brianna’s eyes, that spark of trust that made Joan warm all over. It was such a raw, intense emotion that she felt whenever Brianna was looking at her like that, and suddenly she didn’t know how to deal with it.

’’Alright.” She cleared her throat after hearing how choked up she sounded. ’’Spread your legs.”

Brianna did, already trembling with anticipation. Joan crouched down before her, placing a hand on her inner thigh, just teasing with feather-light touches of her fingertips until Brianna bucked her hips forward, chasing her hand. Joan chuckled softly, but had mercy on her soon, slipping a hand between her thighs, stroking a finger over her clit. Brianna was already wet, and she moaned as she grinded her hips down against her hand, chasing the sensation that one finger on her clit was giving her. Joan started rubbing the sensitive nub in circles, her other hand coming up to pinch Brianna’s nipples, making her moan and toss her head back, her hips shuddering. She let out the biggest sigh of relief when Joan finally pushed two fingers inside her wetness, pumping in and out of her slowly.

’’Please…” Brianna whimpered, squeezing around Joan’s fingers hungrily. ’’Please, Ma’am, I’m ready now…”

Joan chuckled softly, removing her fingers with a smirk. ’’You seem to be, yes.” She stated, watching her fingers that were coated in Brianna’s arousal. She looked at Brianna’s flushed cheeks, her parted lips, and she got an idea.

She held her fingers up to Brianna’s lips, brushing them against her mouth. ’’Suck them clean.” Joan ordered, and Brianna immediately opened her mouth, sucking her fingers inside with an obscene little moan that went straight to Joan’s clit. Fuck, she couldn’t wait to have those lips against her heated parts.

She pulled her fingers out with a small pop before reaching for the egg, coating it in a generous amount of lube. She pushed the toy against Brianna’s entrance, watching intently for any sign of discomfort. Brianna only moaned and spread her legs wider as the egg slipped inside, sitting inside her neatly.

’’Fantastic.” Joan noted, licking her lips. She shrugged off her own pants and underwear, smirking as Joan eyed her hungrily.

Joan stood before her again, cradling the back of her head. Brianna was licking her lips, looking at Joan like she was a gourmet dish that she couldn’t wait to taste.

’’Get to it, then.” Joan smirked, and Brianna didn’t need any more encouragement: she dived in, licking a long stripe across Joan’s wet folds, making her let out a shuddering gasp. She grabbed the remote and turned the toy on to the lowest setting, earning a little hum from Brianna.

Joan tossed her head back with a moan as Brianna parted her with her tongue, licking around her entrance before dipping inside, thrusting in and out with sharp little jabs. She was a hungry thing, wanting everything at once, but now Joan didn’t mind it.

’’Such a good girl for me.” Joan panted, burying her fingers in Brianna’s curls and pulling her close. ’’Your mouth is fucking perfect.”

Brianna moaned at the praise, lapping eagerly at Joan’s wetness. Her hips were rocking forward slightly, grinding down on the toy inside her. Joan lulled her into a false sense of security, rocking away on the quiet buzz of the egg before turning the toy up higher, causing Brianna to let out a moan against her clit that sent the most amazing vibrations over Joan’s body.

’’Fuck…” Joan moaned, squeezing her eyes shut in bliss. ’’You liked this, didn’t you?”

Brianna groaned in agreement, her hips rocking forward at a quicker pace, squeezing around the toy. It had a mighty little motor, buzzing relentlessly against her G-spot, and despite the fact she knew she was going to get punished if she comes until Joan lets her, she couldn’t stop chasing the delicious friction.

Joan gave her hair an experimental tug, and Brianna moaned against her again, her fingers digging into Joan’s thighs. Joan smirked, pulling on the curls until she yanked Brianna away, grinning at the mess of her arousal on her lips and chin.

’’You like this?” Joan growled, tugging on the curls, and Brianna’s eyes rolled back in her head, her hips canting forward desperately. ’’Like it when I’m pulling your hair?”

’’Yes, Ma’am.’’ Brianna whimpered, shuddering in pleasure as Joan pulled on her hair again, making her scalp tingle before shoving her face back in her crotch.

Brianna latched on her clit eagerly, sucking on the sensitive nub until Joan cried out, her own hips thrusting forward against Brianna’s face. She turned the egg up to the highest setting that earned her a beautiful moan, once again sending vibrations against her swollen clit.

Brianna was desperate, her hips rocking forward at the speed of light; she was so wet, gushing, Joan could see her arousal dribbling down the inside of her spread thighs. Her cheeks were flushed, eyelashes fluttering in submissive pleasure as her face was being used, and as her body was rocked with the fantastic vibrations.

’’Don’t come unless I let you.” Joan reminded her, rolling her hips against Brianna’s tongue who whimpered, sucking on her clit like her life depended on it.

It was not an easy task, holding her orgasm back with the toy pressing straight against her G-spot, the vibrations sending chills up her spine; Joan’s taste was intoxicating, the fingers in her hair firm, and Brianna was getting high on being used, on kneeling in such a vulnerable way, the collar around her neck, her body bare and flushed, out there for Joan to see and ogle. She faintly heard Joan call her a good girl again, her good girl, and she remembered the way Joan was fiddling with the coin on her collar, musing about engraving her own name into it, for the world to see that Brianna was hers, her obedient, beautiful, willing toy…

That was it for her: she clamped down on the egg with a loud moan, her body twitching as she came, nearly choking on Joan’s pussy. It felt like she was coming for ages, shaking and gasping and fucking squirting, something she has never done before; she couldn’t think straight, she could only focus on the pleasure rippling through her body, as her mind repeated that she was Joan’s, such a good girl, Joan’s good girl…

Joan was quite impressed. She didn’t really have the heart to be mad at Brianna for coming before she was allowed to, because that was the most amazing sight she has ever laid her eyes on. She was pretty much convinced that squirting only existed in porn, and here was Brianna, making a complete mess. She looked absolutely wrecked, eyes rolling back in her head and letting out choked up little moans, and it only took a few, quite lackluster (who could blame her, she just had the most amazing orgasm!) laps of her tongue against Joan’s clit for her to fall over the edge too, riding her orgasm out by rubbing herself against Brianna’s lips.

Now she could finally take an even better look at Brianna: her eyes were drooping, cheeks flushed, her lips and chin covered in Joan’s arousal, her thighs in her own. Her hips were still twitching weakly, whining from the overwhelming sensation of the toy still buzzing inside her. Joan quickly turned it off, much to Brianna’s relief.

She gathered the shaking sub in her arms, stroking her sweaty hair gently. Brianna nearly collapsed, and Joan had to pull her down onto the couch with her before they fell.

’’I’m sorry…” Brianna whispered weakly against her chest, but Joan shushed her gently, pressing a kiss onto her forehead.

’’It’s okay, Dove. Next time you will do better.”

Brianna was too tired to ask questions, she just drooped against Joan, letting sleep wash over her and make her float away.

Joan chuckled softly, kissing the top of her head.

She will punish her as she promised, but not today. Poor thing will probably sleep for the rest of the day after this.


	5. Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brianna gets punished.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for Brianna to move over another obstacle concerning her headspace.

Brianna felt sluggish and floaty when she woke up, like she wasn’t even solid, her body feeling liquified as she stretched out, her head swimming. She has probably blacked out a little bit; she passed out once in high school when she was up the whole night studying for a big test, running on nothing but extremely strong coffee and literally zero hours of sleep, and when she came to on a bed in the school nurse’s office, her head was just like that, weirdly floaty and light.

Her eyelashes fluttered as she opened her eyes slowly, taking in her surroundings. She was in a bed, Joan’s bed, and there was a warm hand resting on her hips, squeezing ever so slightly. The comforters were warm against her body, and she burrowed into them deeper with a satisfied sigh.

Memories of yesterday started slowly pouring back, and she couldn’t help but blush. She saw herself kneeling on the floor, her jaw aching with the fervor she was eating Joan out with, a collar snug around her neck, a vibrating egg buzzing away inside her. Joan pulled on her hair and called her a good girl, and she came all over herself like an animal, way before Joan allowed her to, which meant punishment.

Brianna would have lied if she said that this part didn’t make her feel a tiny bit skittish. Her experiences with punishment were anything but positive: she always felt awful, guilty. Hal always made her feel like it was real, and not just part of a scene; like refusing to be whipped was truly a crime, something she had to atone for. 

Again, she reminded herself that Joan was different. So far, Joan always checked in with her for boundaries, to make sure she wasn’t causing her discomfort or overstepping a line. She would never hurt her, not intentionally. And she did promise spanking, and this one was something Brianna could definitely work with. Still, it was about being punished. Disobeying her dom and paying for it. Isn’t that what Hal did? She paid for it, by sleeping on the floor and getting the cold shoulder. What if Joan would want to try the same thing? Maybe she figures out that spanking is not strong enough of a punishment for such a terrible, prissy, disobedient sub like Brianna…

The hand on her hip moved to stroke along her thigh, and she turned her head to meet Joan’s gentle eyes. Her brain was screaming again, self-depricating and full of Hal and terrible misconceptions; but Joan was here, as a grounding presence, an anchor that kept her steady, that made sure she wouldn’t float away into her head. The gentle voice that spoke over Hal’s growls. The warm hand that was firm but still gentle, that knew how to touch, how to twist to make her see stars, but knew how to tangle in her hair, how to pull and how to drag and squeeze to woke up the most primal, submissive urges inside her and reduce her into a quivering mess that is only able to focus on serving and bending to her dom’s will.

_Joan is not Hal. Joan is not Hal. Joan is not Hal._

’’Good morning.” Joan greeted her softly, leaning over to press a warm kiss onto her cheek.

’’How are you feeling?”

’’Surprised, that it’s already morning.” Brianna admitted, her voice adorably croaky from sleep. Joan smiled, not able to resist kissing her again.

’’You slept like the dead through the whole night.” Joan said, brushing her curls out of her face. ’’Which was expected, after how hard you came.”

Her voice dropped to a purr at this point, and Brianna blushed heavily. Joan’s fingers trailed along her shoulders, her arms, her ribs, not groping or fondling, just sliding over her skin until it broke out into goosebumps.

’’It was bloody hot.” Joan mused, nosing along Brianna’s neck before dropping a kiss onto the crook of her neck where it met her shoulders, causing her to shiver softly.

’’But you were a bad girl.” Joan continued, nipping gently at Brianna’s earlobe.

’’You promised you won’t come until I let you, and you did. I need to punish you for it.”

Joan pulled back a bit to watch Brianna’s face. This was a focal point, perhaps the biggest obstacle they needed to get over. Hal has left a hell of an awful impact on Brianna and her experiences with BDSM in general, but his ways of punishing were the ones that truly distroyed Brianna’s self-confidence and her self-image. Sure, there were subs that enjoyed heavy humiliation, being locked up in cages or kicked like an animal, but Brianna wasn’t one of them. She was forced into situations she found uncomfortable against her will, and it made all the sense in the world for her to feel scared, to be wary of punishment. It was so important to get over this fear, to learn that despite its name, punishment should be enjoyable to the sub to some degree; something that could put them in the right headspace, that could blur the thin line between pleasure and pain, that had them writhe and whine and blush from how much they enjoyed it against their better judgement. Punishment in BDSM should never be serious; all in all, this whole thing was just sexual play, and the punishment should match the crime. If someone forgot to address their dom as master, or mistress, or whatever, they shouldn’t get whipped bloody for it. The moment BDSM turns serious, affecting a couple’s regular dynamics in their relationship, it’s not heatlthy or enjoyable anymore.

Brianna chewed on her bottom lip, averting her gaze. She seemed to be thinking it through.

Joan stroked her flushed cheek gently, pressing a light kiss onto her temple.

’’We don’t have to do that right now.” Joan promised gently. ’’We could wait until you trust me a little bit more. You need to learn how to take it, eventually. It’s a part of BDSM, Brianna. Not an integral one, but it’s important. And I want you to be able to let go of everything you have experienced before, and to be able to see how it should work. But we don’t have to, not right now, if it makes you feel uncomfortable. It could wait.”

Brianna knew Joan was right. The idea of punishment in itself did sound delicious, and so far she only experienced absolute pleasure at Joan’s hands, no matter if it was a scene or vanilla sex. She needed to stop being scared of her own head, or more like, her abusive ex that lived in there. Joan would take care of her, like she had always done so far.

’’I trust you.” Brianna said, looking up at Joan. Her eyes were uncertain, and yet, there was an edge of determination there, that fire sparkling again.

’’I want to try it.”

Joan rubbed their noses together, smiling when Brianna giggled softly.

’’Are you sure about it? As I said, it can wait. The last thing I want is trigger you in any way.”

Brianna shook her head, rolling onto her side to face Joan. She cupped her cheeks softly; her fingers trembled against Joan’s skin, but her voice was steadier now when she spoke again.

’’I trust you.” She repeated, looking intently into Joan’s eyes. ’’You promised me to help and learn. And I’m learning. I want to learn how to handle this one.”

She leaned forward to press their lips together, making Joan hum softly into the kiss. Brianna took a gamble and rolled on top of her, a jolt of electricity running up her spine at the feeling of her bare body coming in contact with Joan’s clothed one.

She captured Joan’s mouth in another kiss while her hands snaked up under Joan’s shirt to cup her breasts, thumbs brushing quickly hardening nipples, and Joan moaned softly and shifted beneath her.

It was a little risky, perhaps, taking control like that without asking for explicit permission, but Brianna wanted to have her way. She trailed kisses down Joan’s neck, making her groan softly.

’’Please, Ma’am.” Her voice was a little uncertain, clearly not very accustomed to trying for dirty talk, but she wanted to show Joan that she wanted it, that she was willing to let go and fully submit.

’’Please, punish me. I deserve it.”

She blushed heavily at her own words. She has never talked to Hal like that, never asked for anything because it would have ended up in getting yelled at, anyway. But Joan gave an appreciative little hum, her hand sliding down Brianna’s back to cup her butt.

’’Is this really what you want, Dove? Do you really want me to punish you?”

Brianna nodded eagerly, kissing Joan’s chin. ’’Yes, Ma’am. I want you to punish me.”

She squeaked when Joan suddenly rolled them over, pinning her wrists above her head and pressing their mouths together again, tugging on Brianna’s bottom lip with her teeth until she gasped into her mouth.

’’Same rules.” Joan purred, peppering kisses all over her cheeks and neck, but they weren’t soft; they were possessive in the best ways possible, and Brianna found herself moaning beneath her.

’’Safeword if you want me to stop. I’m going to spank you. You will take fifteen hits, and you’re going to thank me for each and every one of them. You will continue to address me as Ma’am. Understood?”

’’Yes, Ma’am.” Brianna breathed, letting out a soft gasp when Joan nipped at her earlobe, pulling on the sensitive skin with her teeth.

’’Alright, then.” Joan mused, pressing one last kiss onto Brianna’s lips before hopping off the bed. Brianna pouted a little at the loss, but immediately perked up as Joan seated herself in her armchair, looking quite bossy despite wearing and old T-shirt and jeans. Brianna could suddenly see her wearing a suit, twirling a crystal glass full of expensive whiskey in one hand and dragging Brianna close by her collar with her other, a hot, powerful businesswoman taking advantage of her blushing secretary…

’’Come here, Dove.”

Joan’s voice finally snapped Brianna out of her little fantasy. She might share it with Joan; she encouraged her to express her needs and tell her if there was something particular she wanted to try.

She nearly tripped over her own feet as she rushed to Joan, and her dom laughed, patting her head when Brianna instinctively dropped to her knees before her.

’’No need to rush, I’m not going anywhere.”

Brianna chuckled softly, rubbing her cheek against Joan’s jean-clad thigh. She still felt a little shy about being naked while Joan was fully dressed, but she enjoyed it: she felt all the more overpowered, bare and vulnerable while her dom was fully in charge.

As if she read her mind, Joan asked her:

’’Tell me, do you like this? Me fully dressed and you naked?”

Brianna smiled, propping her chin up on her knee and looking up at her coyly.

’’I do. It makes me feel…vulnerable.”

Joan frowned a little, stroking her cheek gently. ’’Vulnerable how? Tell me.”

’’In a good way.” Brianna explained, giving her a reassuring smile. ’’Like…you’re powerful, and I’m powerless, but…it’s not scary. It’s weird, but it’s comforting somehow.”

Joan smiled, ruffling her hair lovingly. ’’That’s good. That means you’re letting yourself relax. You’re doing really well, Brianna. And I’m not only saying that as a dom to her sub, I’m saying that as…”

She almost said girlfriend, but refrained. Sure, they were pretty much acting like a couple, but she wanted Brianna to initiate the talk about this. She was the one with trust issues; she needed more time to open up, even emotionally.

’’I’m saying that in general.” Joan finished quickly, shifting her gaze a little. She could feel Brianna watching her intently; she was a damn professor, of course she wasn’t going to fool her. But if Brianna noticed her sudden shyness, she didn’t comment on it.

She rubbed her cheeks against Joan’s legs again, purring like a cat when Joan carded her fingers through her messy curls. She was making it really hard for Joan to get into the right mindset to punish her, what with being so cute and cuddly.

’’Are you ready for your punishment, Dove?” Joan asked, injecting some firmness into her voice. The change in Brianna’s behavior was evident: her pupils dilated as she looked up at Joan, her cheeks quickly growing flushed.

’’I am, Ma’am.” Brianna said, licking her lips. Joan smirked. Oh, but when Brianna was looking at her like that (especially from down on her knees), she could slip into her headspace quickly, wanting to wreck that pretty sub instead of coddling her.

’’Lie down on my lap, face down.” Joan commanded, patting her thighs. Brianna’s cheeks pinkened even more as she obeyed, positioning herself over Joan’s knees, grabbing onto the arm of the chair for balance.

Joan smoothed a hand over her buttcheeks, marvelling in the way Brianna trembled slightly beneath her touch.

’’Remember the rules?”

’’I do, Ma’am.”

’’Repeat them to me.” It was important to make sure Brianna really was in the right headspace, and was able to deal with being punished. Joan would never forgive herself if she accidentally traumatised her.

’’I’m going to take fifteen hits, and I’m gonna thank you for them. I’m gonna call you Ma’am, and if it’s too much, I’m going to say my safeword, which is butter.”

Joan smiled, patting her on the hip lovingly. ’’Good girl.”

Brianna purred happily, stretching herself out some more until she was totally comfortable.

For a while, nothing happened. Joan was caressing her skin gently, almost absent-mindedly, like she forgot that she was supposed to punish Brianna after all. Just when Brianna was starting to grow restless and almost asked her when her punishment will start, Joan delivered the first blow.

Brianna yelped and jumped slightly as the pain flared across her sensitive skin. She nearly forgot about the rest of the rules before collecting herself.

’’One, thank you, Ma’am.”

Joan smiled proudly before slapping her butt again, the ring of skin on skin echoing in the room. 

’’Two, thank you, Ma’am.”

The next two hits were delivered quickly, right after one another on both cheeks, and Brianna moaned, bucking her hips forward.

Joan wasn’t exactly holding back: she had large hands with slightly calloused fingers, no doubt the results of all the fixing and tinkering she did, and the burn was harsh and delicious, stinging her skin.

’’Uh…three and four, thank you, Ma’am.”

’’Tell me why you’re being punished right now.” Joan ordered, smoothing her palm over the quickly reddening skin. Brianna gulped, trying to find her words. She was already slipping deeply into subspace, and she has only taken four blows so far.

When she didn’t reply in time, Joan smacked her again, this time on the top of her thighs, and Brianna yelped, her hips bucking forward on their own accord again.

’’Fuck! Ahh, five, thank you, Ma’am. I’m…being punished because I disobeyed you.”

’’And how did you disobey me?” Joan purred, her voice full of unmasked smugness. She stroked over the firm globe of Brianna’s ass, enjoying the way she squirmed against her lap.

’’I came before you allowed me too, Ma’am.”

’’That’s right.” Joan mused, giving her ass a rough squeeze. ’’You were a greedy little thing.”

’’I was.” Brianna moaned at the memory, which didn’t fail to catch Joan’s attention.

Joan spanked her again, harsh and merciless, and Brianna let out a gorgeous moan, tossing her head back.

Hot arousal was gathering between her legs already; the pain was just enough to make her lose her damn mind, but not enough to be too serious and scare her. Her skin was aching and tingling, and she was pretty sure it was flaming red already. A part of her brain, the more rational one kept screaming ’’pain! Get away from it!”, but the one that was clouded by submissive lust, the one that couldn’t resist her animalistic, instintctive urges, screamed ’’pleasure, more, more!”. And Brianna, so deep in subspace, was listening to the latter.

She cried out as Joan spanked her again, hitting the top of her thigh. That one seemed to be a real kicker, making Brianna trash against her lap, and she needed to put a hand on her hip to keep her down before she rocketed face first into the arm of the chair, or even onto the floor.

Had she been a little bit more sober, Brianna would have felt embarrassed about the fact that she was leaking onto Joan’s leg, ruining her jeans, but she was beyond that point: the delicious mix of pain and pleasure rippled through her body, demanding more.

Joan noticed her arousal, because she smirked, patting her hip smugly.

’’You’re making such a mess again. Do you like this so much, Dove?”

’’Yes!” Brianna cried out, her hips thrusting forward with a sob when Joan smacked her on the same spot than she did before, painting her sensitive skin pink everywhere.

Brianna was pretty sure she was just screaming out random numbers at this point: her brain turned into mush as she kept humping Joan’s leg like a dog in heat, seeking friction against her swollen, abandoned clit. She sobbed as Joan delivered the next two blows quickly.

’’Two more.” Joan promised, digging her fingers into the firm, abused flesh and Brianna cried out, gripping the arm of the chair so hard it was a wonder she didn’t snap it in half.

Joan gave her some time to breathe, just possesively fondling the pink skin until Brianna was babbling incoherently, then she smacked her twice, marvelling in the way Brianna arched her back in a pretty bow across her lap.

’’Fourteen, and…uhh…fif-fifteen…fifteen, Ma’am, ah, thank you!” Brianna’s throat was raw from sobbing and pleading so much, tears streaming down her face.

’’You did so well, such a perfect fucking sub, I love you so much.” Joan praised her, not even caring about the slip of the ’l word’. She reached between Brianna’s trembling thighs, seeking out her soaked entrance and then slipping two fingers inside straight away, making her sub cry out and clench around the digits hungrily.

It only took a few thrusts against her G-spot for Brianna to come, screaming and trashing, nearly headbutting Joan as she jumped. Joan shushed her softly, pulling her fingers out gently and kissing the back of her neck.

’’Let’s get you sorted out, okay?” She pulled Brianna up into a half-sitting position with some difficulty, making her whine when her abused bottom rubbed against Joan’s jeans. Joan shushed her, gathering her up in her arms and laying her down on the bed on her belly.

She retrieved some soothing cream from the drawer of the bedside table, collecting a large dollop onto the tips of her fingers before massaging it into Brianna’s red skin. She pressed soothing kisses onto Brianna’s hip when she hissed, but she relaxed soon, letting Joan work the tension out of her muscles.

’’I did it.” Brianna said, twisting her head to look at Joan, her eyes shining brightly.

’’I took my punishment, and I loved it!”

Joan felt her heart swell with pride and love, and she leaned forward to kiss Brianna on the lips, tasting her happiness.

’’You did. I am so, so proud of you, Dove.”


	6. Miss Deacon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brianna needs to learn how to communicate her needs, and Joan gives a tiny bit of control over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another smutty little chapter ;)

Communication was still something Brianna had some issues with. She wasn’t exactly comfortable with expressing her needs in a verbal way: it was much scarier than just baring her throat and presenting herself, offering her body and her mind on a silver platter and hoping that Joan could understand her even without explicit words. 

Obviously, this wasn’t just a product of her general shyness. Sure, she was introverted, but she was a professor, she was pretty much used to talking in front of big crowds, and it didn’t really phase her anymore. No, this, as so many other things that haunted her, was a product of how Hal used to treat her.

He wasn’t too happy whenever Brianna tried to express her needs: sometimes –like, once in a month if he was feeling generous- he asked Brianna about what she wanted to try out, but then all of her ideas were shot down, being told that what she wanted was stupid, not kinky enough or too kinky, not for Hal’s liking. On other days, Hal didn’t even ask. He just followed through with what he wanted, not even letting Brianna have a say in it. And so she clammed up, and decided to keep her ideas to herself. That way, the chance of being called an awful sub again decreased a little bit. But only a little bit.

The idea of Joan telling her to shut up, to call her stupid and a bad sub made Brianna’s skin crawl and her heart shatter into a million pieces. She simply wouldn’t survive if Joan wasn’t satisfied with her. She hated how Hal still lived in her head, ruining her hapiness, sinking his claws into her mind whenever she just tried to relax and exist in the moment. She was terrified when in her dreams, Joan transformed into Hal and spat on her and slapped her across the face, pushed her to the floor and yanked her around, not listening to her desperate pleas and pushing her into the arms of strangers to share her like a toy. Even weeks after she has moved in with Joan (and she was going to call it moving in, because Joan didn’t seem like she wanted to send her away, and Brianna also made no effort of looking for another place, and it was all so natural and comfortable), and weeks after she has last seen him, Hal still managed to find a way to permeat her head with his venom. She wanted to forget about it all, wanted to replace him with Joan completely, wanted to live in the present and not in the past- because Hal was just that. Her past. And if she ever wanted to move on from him, she had to leave him right there, as a constantly fading memory.

Joan was attentive, she had to give her that. She immediately caught on whenever Brianna was feeling down, lost in her head and nervous. She could see the way her eyes were filled with worry and doubt, how she kept chewing on her bottom lip, fidgeting with her hands and clearly thinking she was subtle, but she wasn’t at all. If Brianna wasn’t feeling well, it was as obvious as the Moon on the night sky.

It pretty much seemed like she has been trying to tell her something ever since their last scene, where she got punished, and Joan was growing worried. The idea of mentally scaring Brianna made her sick. But it didn’t seem like the spanking was the problem, so then what was it?

They were in the middle of dinner at a nearby restaurant, Brianna mostly just pushing her pasta around her plate when Joan decided she had enough, and that it was time to make Brianna come out of the shell she has been putting herself into for a while now.

’’Out with it.” She said, looking over at Brianna over the brim of her wine glass. Brianna looked up, confusion written all over her beautiful face.

’’Out with what?” She asked, visibly shrinking. Joan hated how she sometimes acted like she was scared of Joan. She knew it wasn’t any of their fault, it was still Hal’s influence, but she would have lied if she said seeing Brianna not trusting her completely at times didn’t hurt her.

She put the kindest smile on her face, reaching across the table to hold Brianna’s hand, relaxing a little when Brianna instinctively laced their fingers together. Now, this was that trust Joan wanted to see all the time. She just had to work that much harder to make sure it was always present.

’’It feels like you want to tell me something.” Joan said softly, rubbing comforting little circles onto the back of her hand with her thumb.

’’Since your punishment. What is wrong, my Dove? Did I hurt you?”

Brianna blushed, but she immediately shook her head. ’’No. No, I loved it.”

’’Then what’s the matter?” Joan asked, looking into those beautiful eyes intently, searching for the answer she needed. ’’You can tell me anything, Brianna. You know you can, okay?”

Brianna nodded, worrying her lower lip between her teeth. That was the problem: she didn’t want Joan to…to act like Hal when she tried to speak her mind. She didn’t want to disappoint her; she would rather die than do that.

But Joan’s expression was open, warm and caring, her hand soft but firm on her own, grounding and safe, and the rational voice inside her, the one that constantly kept telling her that Joan was at least ten times the dom and person Hal would ever be, spoke up again. It would be okay. Joan would never hurt her. She would never, she would rather cut off her own arm that make Brianna feel uncomfortable, that much was obvious. And she wouldn’t call her stupid and try and shut her up: maybe she wouldn’t be into it, and she would just say so, politely, patting her cheek in that soft, loving way she always did. There was no reason to be afraid of Joan.

She looked up again, saw that Joan was still smiling at her gently, encouragingly, and she took a deep breath, the words tumbling out before her insecurities could stop them:

’’I want to try something.”

Joan’s smile only widened, a spark of curiosity glittering in her eyes as she leaned closer, propping her elbow on the table and leaning on it.

’’Let’s hear it.”

Brianna swallowed, but she felt some of the tension melt away. Joan seemed curious, excited even. Hal would be already growling and rolling his eyes at this point.

’’Uhm…I was thinking….roleplay?” She stumbled over her words, her inital shyness taking over. What if Joan would hate it? What if, what if, what if, what if…

Joan’s pupils went so wide the black nearly swallowed the green, and fuck, was that a sight Brianna wanted to stare at forever. She licked her lips, looking positively hungry, and Brianna’s heart sped up inside her chest.

’’I’m intrigued.” Joan purred, lifting Brianna’s hand to her lips and pressing the lightest little kiss onto her knuckles, and still that made the breath hitch in Brianna’s throat.

’’What kind of roleplay?”

Brianna thought back on her punishment, Joan sitting comfortably in her armchair, smug and bossy, and she squirmed in her seat.

’’I…I liked how you looked in that armchair.” She said quietly, voice barely above a whisper, but Joan was listening intently. ’’You looked like a businesswoman.”

Joan grinned. She liked where this was going.

’’I did?” She teased, watching with glee as Brianna’s throat moved as she swallowed thickly.

’’Yeah, and I was imagining…you know.”

Joan shook her head, giving her a soft smile. ’’I don’t know. Please, tell me what you imagined.”

Brianna knew what she was doing: she was trying to coax her into speaking her mind, to learn how to communicate freely and not be afraid of her own needs and wants. This was important, she knew that too. She had to move over that obstacle if she wanted to truly relax and be free.

She kept her gaze on her plate, but she started speaking. ’’You, in a suit. Playing my boss. You would ask me for my services, and I would be kneeling at your feet and pleasure you any way you want.”

Brianna carefully looked up, her heart leaping at Joan’s ravenous expression. She looked like she was about to pounce on Brianna right here and right now.

’’That sounds fantastic.” Joan purred, her voice completely sincere, and Brianna felt some of the weight leaving her shoulders.

’’Marvelous.” Joan added, her eyes glinting dangerously. ’’Thank you for telling me, Brianna. You can always tell me if you want to try something. It’s important to speak your mind.”

Brianna nodded, feeling her lips curling into a small smile. There really was no reason to be afraid: Joan treated her as an equal. She was an equal to her, and she could tell her anything, and she could do anything she wanted, because Joan would never do something like Hal.

Joan chuckled softly, leaning back in her chair, her eyes roaming over Brianna.

’’I feel like another shopping tour is in order.”

Joan was already quite a sight, and she was only in a stuffy dressing room, trying on her next suit jacket. Brianna resisted the urge to fan herself like a fainting Victorian lady as she watched Joan posing in front of the mirror, taking a look at her outfit from every angle.

’’What do you think, Dove?” She asked, twirling around to show herself to Brianna. Brianna gulped; she was pretty sure the way she was ogling Joan wasn’t exactly appropriate in a busy shop, but she looked too damn hot. Absolutely edible.

’’You look great.” She croaked. It was hard to find the words: the navy blue suit looked simply fantastic on Joan, it was like she was born to wear it. And there was that damn cheeky grin, the one she usually reserved for their bedroom, and Brianna was gone.

’’I’m glad you like it. I think I’m gonna buy this one, but first I’m going to look for matching slacks. Have you found anything you fancied?”

Oh. That part. Brianna as a secretary. Well, she never really played dress-up before, and it was obvious with how lost she looked between the racks and piles of clothes, trying to find something that she wouldn’t look utterly ridiculous wearing, but would make a sexy secretary.

’’Would you help me with that?” She asked shyly. ’’I’m not sure what should I wear…”

Joan smiled, pulling her closer by her waist, looking up at her with soft eyes. ’’Of course. We’re going to find you something pretty.”

Brianna’s blood was spiked with excitement as she walked into the bedroom, her heart pounding in her chest. It was all new territory, but it was what she wanted, and she nearly stumbled in her high-heels as she knocked on the door.

’’Come in!”

She did see Joan in her suit when they were shopping, but it was different, and it was so much better, and how Brianna will be able to walk normally instead of just crawling was beyond her.

Joan looked simply gorgeous in her navy blue suit and matching slacks: majestic and powerful, and Brianna could easily see her as the head of a large company, spreading in her chair smugly. The light of the room reflected off her leather shoes as she elegantly crossed her legs, giving Brianna a smirk. She even found a tie somewhere, the black sharp against the white button up she wore under the suit jacket, and Brianna wanted to lick all over her long neck under that tie, wanted to nuzzle the warm skin, feeling her pulse thrumming under her lips. Her hair was up in a bun, a few cheeky locks falling out and framing her face just perfectly; she held a glass in her hand, half full of whiskey (Brianna insisted on that part, and well, Joan wasn’t going to say no to good whiskey as well as appearing even more powerful). She made the most amazing sight, and Brianna’s knees turned to jelly.

’’Hello, sweetheart.” Joan purred, perfectly in character as she raked her eyes over Brianna’s form. They settled for a simple white blouse, the top few buttons undone, a black pencil skirt that accentuated her mile long, slim legs, and high-heels. Nothing over the top, but the way Joan was looking at her made Brianna feel a thousand times more beautiful.

’’You wanted to see me, Miss Deacon?” Brianna hoped her voice wasn’t too shaky. She didn’t have too much experience in roleplaying, and she didn’t want to act stupid. Joan just smiled, beckoning her with her finger, and Brianna obeyed with a little smile, trying to walk gracefully in her heels.

’’Yes, sweetheart. As you know, I work an awful lot.” Joan drawled, putting her glass down onto the table next to her, bringing up both hands to rest them on Brianna’s hips.

’’I was thinking you could help me relax a little bit, my gorgeous.”

Brianna blushed heavily under the watchful eyes, nearly trembling with anticipation. Joan’s hands trailed from her hips to slide over the smooth material of her skirt, looking at her like she wanted to eat Brianna alive.

’’So beautiful.” Joan purred, cupping Brianna’s butt cheekily, making her squeak softly.

’’And how may I help you, Miss Deacon?” Brianna croaked, swaying a little on her legs. It was either the heels ruining her balance, or the fact Joan’s hands were squeezing her hips, or her deep voice, or her smirk, or the fact that she was wearing cologne and it made her head swim.

Joan chuckled softly, patting her on the butt. ’’You have the most beautiful lips I have ever seen. You could put them to good use.”

She reached up to cup one of Brianna’s breasts, grinning when she pushed her chest forward, wanting more contact. She was sliding, no, she was falling and crashing into subspace, her eyelashes fluttering, cheeks delightfully pink and her breathing a little laboured already.

’’I would do anything for my boss.” Brianna breathed, and the way she was turning into a mess right on front of Joan’s eyes made wet heat pool between her legs. She was the luckiest dom, and the luckiest person that Brianna came into her life, even if under unfortunate circumstances.

’’I’m glad to hear that.” Joan said, licking her lips hungrily.

’’Get on your knees for me then, sweetheart, and eat me out.”

The moan that escaped Brianna at that was delicious, and she dropped to her knees so quickly Joan was worried it hurt her knees. She cupped Brianna’s cheek, tilting her head to make her look up at her, swearing lightly under her breath at her sub’s lustful eyes.

’’Remember the rules, right?”

Brianna nodded hastily, looking one second away from just ripping off Joan’s clothes.

’’I do. But I don’t think I will need to use my safeword.” She breathed impatiently, and Joan would have scolded her for that on another day, but she was too fucking turned on, and Brianna surely looked like she wanted this with every cell of her body.

Brianna unbuttoned her slacks, pulling them down until they pooled around her ankles. Joan usually liked to savour the moment, starting out slow and only speeding up when the desperation was too much to ignore and their desires needed a quick outlet, but she let Brianna do this in her own tempo; this roleplay was her idea, and Joan was more than happy to indulge her.

Her underwear followed her pants, and Brianna nosed along her inner thighs, kissing and nipping all over the soft, sensitive skin before moving onto Joan’s mound, peppering kisses all over that too.

Joan was trembling with want, one hand buried in Brianna’s curls, the other gripping the arm of the chair as Brianna finally went to town, licking a long stripe across her wet folds before spreading them with her tongue, licking around her entrance.

’’Fuck.” Joan moaned, spreading her legs as wide as the girth of the chair allowed. ’’Your mouth is fantastic.”

Brianna gave an appreciative little hum before pointing her tongue and dipping it inside her hole, licking around, spreading her wetness all over her tongue and lips.

Joan tossed her head back and lifted her hips, moaning as Brianna kept fucking her with her tongue, her body burning with the amazing sensation.

She tugged on Brianna’s curls, making her look up, and Joan felt herself gush even more at the sight of those hooded eyes.

’’Finger me.” She commanded. ’’And keep licking my clit, make me feel real good.”

Brianna nodded, pulling back slightly, licking her lips that were already covered in Joan’s arousal. She sucked on her fingers, making them extra wet before pushing two into Joan right away, making her groan and clench around them immediately.

’’That’s it.” Joan whimpered, her hips shuddering as Brianna’s lips wrapped around her clit, sucking on the sensitive nub eagerly.

’’You’re such a good girl for me.”

Brianna moaned at the well-known nickname, her voice sending vibrations all over her clit, and Joan’s fingers tightened in her hair, pulling her impossibly close.

Brianna started pumping her with her fingers, and bless those ridiculously long digits, because she only needed a little bit of searching before she reached Joan’s G-spot, massaging the bundle of nerves with her fingertips, sending electricity up Joan’s spine.

’’Fuck…” Joan moaned, rolling her hips forward against Brianna’s face.

’’This is so good, baby girl. You’re making me feel so good.”

Brianna gave a happy little noise at the praise, flicking Joan’s swollen clit with the tip of her tongue while she kept jabbing into Joan’s G-spot relentlessly, making her let out the most delicious moans Brianna has ever heard.

The balance was a little off, a little tipped as it seemed like Brianna had more control over the situation, but honestly, Joan didn’t find it in herself to care: she wasn’t one of those doms that freaked out if their submissive was acting a little bit more dominant than usual. She wasn’t going to have a mental breakdown over this, not when Brianna kept sucking on her clit, pink lips working her so beautifully, and her long fingers were stretching her wide. She let Brianna play her like a fiddle, moulding her to her liking, experiment with laps of her tongue and touches of her fingers, let her indulge in the reactions of her body. The beautiful thing about BDSM was that if everything was working well, it wasn’t about total control and total submission all the time. The roles were mostly strict, but a little bit of switching, the dom giving over some of their power and the sub using it to a degree definitely spiced things up a little.

Joan was now babbling incoherently as she was nearing the edge, the double pleasure of Brianna licking and sucking on her clit and fingering her was becoming too much to handle. Brianna’s other hand was gripping her thighs, fingers digging into the skin, and Joan’s head was swimming with all the sensations.

Brianna twisted her fingers and gently nibbled on her clit, and Joan was gone: she was coming for what felt like ages, mouth open on a silent scream, riding out her orgasm with pushing herself into Brianna’s face and down onto her fingers, body convulsing in pleasure.

She panted as she finally came down from her high, looking down at Brianna who was still between her legs, staring up at her with adoration: she looked utterly happy, the sight of her dom so satisfied, and so satisfied because of her ministrations and her idea sending a rush of emotion all over her body and mind. She was definitely born to serve, down on her knees so prettily and giving her best to please her dom.

And in exhchange, Joan was going to give her the whole world.


	7. Safeword

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joan is hornier than usual, and Brianna uses her safeword for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember folks: you can always say no if something is too much!

’’So basically, radiation is only the emission or transmission of energy in the form of waves and…”

Brianna’s speech was rudely interrupted by someone who just walked in through the back door of the big lecture hall, causing quite the ruckus as they stumbled over bakcpacks hastily threwn on the floor and apologizing to everyone and their mother as they tried to subtly take their seat.

Brianna didn’t really think of herself as a stern teacher, and a stern person in general, but if there was something she couldn’t tolerate, it was being late from her class. Sure, okay, this was a morning class, so people oversleeping made perfect sense (sometimes she, herself didn’t feel like getting out of bed, and Joan had to literally push her out so she would actually get up on her feet), but if someone wanted to visit a lecture so much, why couldn’t they at least try and be on time, instead of, like, arriving in the middle of the lesson?

Brianna adjusted her microphone before looking up, locating the person who was sitting in a baseball hat, the rim covering their eyes.

’’Excuse me.” Brianna said, aiming for a friendly, but a strict voice. ’’If you arrive late, you don’t only bother me but my students as well. Please, try and be on time next time, yeah?”

’’I’m sorry, dr. May.” A very much familiar voice said, and Brianna’s heart nearly leapt out of her chest. She could feel her cheeks flaming, and she really hoped her students didn’t see it.

’’It’s…okay.” She croaked, clearing her throat several times. A few students in the front row gave her a somewhat of a funny look, clearly realizing their teacher was fighting some kind of internal battle, or having an anyeurism right in front of their eyes.

Brianna really tried to look away, but she couldn’t. Joan took off her cap and winked at her, green eyes sparkling so hard it lit up the whole lecture hall. Everyone who have ever visited Brianna May’s lessons before could easily tell the difference between the confident, friendly professor and the babbling mess she was reduced to right now; it was especially suspicious, since the first half of the lecture went as smoothly as usual, and now she suddenly went as red as a lobster, and couldn’t form coherent sentences. Brianna was pretty sure her sudden change of behavior after a mysterious student walked in was going to be the whole talk of the university.

’’I’m gonna send the lecture notes over via e-mail.” Brianna said, finishing her lecture. She pulled herself together somewhat by the end of it, but whenever her eyes met Joan’s, she blushed like a teenage girl with a crush, unable to look at anywhere else but her.

Students started filing out, the familiar roaring sounds of them chatting and laughing and pushing chairs filling the large room. Joan stayed in her place, pretending to be on her phone while everyone else slowly but surely left the room, leaving only Brianna and Joan behind.

Joan got up from her seat and walked over to Brianna with a huge grin on her face, making the latter shake her head in disbelief.

’’What are you doing here?” She asked, the breath hitching in her throat as Joan wrapped her arms around her waist, pulling her flush against her own body.

’’Hopefully you, soon.” Joan purred, trailing kisses down Brianna’s neck, nipping at her collarbone that was exposed over the neck of her shirt. Brianna shivered, tipping her head back to give her more space. Her body and mind were fighting a battle: her body wanted Joan’s touch desperately, but her mind realized they were at the university, at her work place, in a lecture hall, and surely that was dangerous and inappropriate.

’’Joan…” She tried, weakly pushing on Joan’s shoulders. ’’Not here…”

’’Are you scared?” Joan mused, nipping at her earlobe, her teeth tugging on the sensitive skin and Brianna whimpered, sagging against Joan.

’’I’ve wanted you since you stumbled out of bed.” Joan growled, kissing over Brianna’s sharp jaw.

’’I’m so fucking horny for you, Dove.”

Brianna felt her cheeks heat even more at the mental image of Joan going mad with lust over her; it was the most flattering thing ever, the knowledge that this perfect dom and this perfect woman got so horny from just watching her lamely roll out of bed that she followed her to work and sat through a Physics lecture just to fuck her. It truly stroked her ego, but again, not here!

’’We’re gonna get caught.” Brianna tried again, though her hips, the traitors, bucked forward as Joan palmed her through her slacks.

’’When will the next lecture start?” Joan asked, rubbing her, and Brianna let out a soft little moan.

’’A-ah…at noon, I…fuck…”

’’There’s plenty of time until then.” Joan decided, popping the button on Brianna’s trousers open, slipping her hand inside to feel her through her underwear.

’’No cameras around here, I hope.”

’’No, that would be a violation of the students’ rights…”

’’Mhm, okay, then.” Joan cut her off before Brianna could explain the university’s policy to her (not like she minded listening to Brianna talk, she could read her from a recipe book and Joan would either melt or come on the spot, depending on her mood; Brianna had an amazing, soft and warm voice, caressing one’s skin like the most delicious silk. Right now, though, she preferred no talking at all), and crashed their lips together, teeth pulling on Brianna’s bottom lip.

Brianna was clearly losing every kind of second thought about not fucking in her work place, because she moaned and thrusted her hips forward in Joan’s hand eagerly, chasing the pleasure. Joan took pity on her and slipped her hand inside her panties, grinning at how wet she already was.

’’All this for me?” She smirked, and Brianna lightly swatted at her arm, though her face was already red and contorted in pleasure.

’’If you want me so much, get on with it.”

Joan’s eyes darkened dangerously, and she licked her lips hungrily, Brianna following the movement of her tongue, mesmerized.

’’Are you giving me orders, Dove? That just won’t do, you know that, right?”

Brianna swallowed thickly, her heart pounding in her chest like a hammer. There was that voice again, the one Joan always used while domming Brianna, and her knees buckled, nearly giving out from under her if it wasn’t for Joan’s arm around her waist keeping her up and steady.

’’Tell me, Dove,” Joan rasped, making goosebumps rise all over Brianna’s skin, ’’would a good girl get so bratty with me?”

She teased a finger over Brianna’s clit, making her jump and whimper softly.

Brianna shook her head. She was getting lost again, could feel her body reacting extremely well to the teasing, like it always did, her brain turning into mush, unable to think about anything else but submitting to Joan, wanting her to take charge and do whatever the hell she wanted to do with her.

’’I asked you a question.” Joan drawled, burying her fingers in Brianna’s hair and pulling on it hard, making her moan again deliciously.

’’No, Ma’am.” Brianna moaned, desperately rocking her hips forward into Joan’s hand. ’’I’m a bad girl.”

’’You are.” Joan chuckled softly. ’’And what do bad girls deserve?”

’’Punishment.” Brianna replied, a little too eagerly, and Joan couldn’t resist kissing her, tasting the sheer excitement on her lips.

’’That’s right.” She drawled, pulling her hand out and away, to which Brianna let out the saddest whine she has ever heard. ’’Bad girls deserve to be punished.”

With that, she grabbed Brianna’s hips and turned her around, roughly pushing her against the desk, yanking her pants and underwear down until they both pooled around her ankles. Brianna moaned happily ad the implication, wriggling her butt invitingly.

’’Is this okay?” Joan asked, smoothing a palm over Brianna’s buttcheek.

’’Yes, god, it’s so okay…please, punish me.”

Joan felt herself get even wetter at that needy, submissive voice, and she lifted her hand, striking Brianna’s ass. The curly haired woman cried out, pushing her ass out further for the next blow.

’’I’ve never met anyone who got so turned on by spanking before.” Joan moaned, slapping Brianna’s ass again. ’’It’s so fucking gorgeous, you cannot believe it.”

’’More.” Brianna whimpered, looking back over her shoulders at Joan longingly. ’’I want it harder!”

’’Wasn’t being mouthy and pushy that what got you here in the first place?” Joan chuckled, but she obliged, hitting the abused flesh harder.

She spanked Brianna a few more times until her skin was angry red, then she spread her, pushing her fingers into the awaiting wetness, making Brianna cry out.

’’That’s it, take it.” Joan growled, fucking into her harder. Brianna had her cheek pressed against the surface of the desk, dignity forgotten as she moaned and whimpered, thrusting her hips backwards to fuck herself on Joan’s fingers.

She came embarrassingly fast, way too riled up from all the teasing and the delicious spanking to last long, squeezing down around Joan’s fingers and stuttering her name out like a prayer as she rode the last waves of her orgasm out.

Joan pulled out gently, sucking Brianna’s wetness off her fingers with an appreciative little moan. She patted Brianna’s reddened ass lovingly, causing her to let out a weak moan.

’’Had your fill?” Brianna chuckled tiredly, shuddering when Joan licked a long stripe across her neck up to her ear, her hot tongue raising goosebumps all over the sensitive, flushed skin.

’’Not yet.”

Joan was truly in a very horny mood that day, Brianna noticed.

After she spanked and fucked Brianna, and then got fucked by Brianna in the middle of a lecture room (Brianna still couldn’t believe they actually did that; she didn’t even want to imagine what would have happened if someone found them), her hands kept roaming over Brianna’s thighs as they drove home. Brianna was happy she didn’t have to take the bus home: she was pretty sure everyone could smell the stench of sex on her otherwise, not to mention her disheleved state would have have been too obvious. Thank god she only had one lecture that day, otherwise she wouldn’t have been able to go through her day that riled up, the memory of getting spanked against that desk and then getting fucked out of her mind, and laying Joan on the same desk and fucking her until she nearly sobbed with pleasure constantly swirling in her head, making her dizzy.

She was a little worried Joan will crash the car with how much she kept groping her, focusing on her way more than on the road, but they made it to home safe.

Joan practically dragged her inside the house, throwing her down on the bed and kissing her hungrily, hands roaming all over her body possessively.

’’I cannot believe you.” Brianna laughed, though her thighs immediately fell open on instinct to give more room to Joan, who settled between them comfortably, grinding her own crotch against Brianna’s.

’’I want to try something.” Joan mused, kissing the long column of Brianna’s throat, tongue just barely poking out to lick at the warm skin, making her sub shiver softly.

’’What?” Brianna asked, closing her eyes in bliss as Joan continued trailing kisses all over her neck, sucking a mark into the pale skin just above her pulse point.

’’I watched some porn last night.” Joan continued, hands coming up to squeeze Brianna’s breasts, her hips still grinding into Brianna’s.

’’Without me?” Brianna pouted, but Joan quickly kissed it off her lips.

’’You were already asleep, Dove.”

She made quick work on the buttons of Brianna’s blouse with her clever fingers, pushing the lapels aside so she could kiss all over the soft skin of her chest and stomach, kissing her everywhere she could reach.

That kind of explained her horniness. It must have been something really good if it got her so riled up that she couldn’t keep her hands off Brianna and wanted to fuck like rabbits the whole day. Brianna shivered softly in anticipation at the thought they were about to try something new. So far, everything turned out absolutely amazing.

Joan kissed back up to her chest from her stomach, nosing at Brianna’s bra.

’’Have you tried choking before?”

Brianna did choke now a little, on her own spit, and she blinked hard at Joan who was watching her reactions like a hawk, attentive as always.

Brianna shook her head. No, she hasn’t tried that one. Hal always wanted to choke her, but his hands were so large, and he was way too aggressive, and honestly, Brianna was scared he might kill her on accident. So, she was a ’’bad sub”, as always, refusing to try it.

But now…Joan was truly different. Brianna was sure she would stop if it would be too much for her or if it would hurt. Joan always did. So far, she had always listened to Brianna, and was nothing but attentive and caring towards her. And she was scared of punishment at first, and then she turned out quite enjoying the spanking. Joan rewrote everything that was made by Hal, changed his rules. Maybe with Joan, she wouldn’t have to be scared anymore.

Joan could tell she was hesitating, so she kissed her gently on the lips, caressing her flushed cheek.

’’We don’t have to.” She promised, kissing both of Brianna’s cheeks.

’’What if I want to try it?” Brianna said, looking up at her. Her voice was a little uncertain, but her eyes seemed determined.

’’Are you sure?” Joan asked, watching her intently for any sign of backing down.

’’It could be scary.”

’’I know.” Brianna admitted. She grabbed Joan’s hand and lifted it to her lips, kissing her palm lovingly.

’’But I trust you.”

Joan’s heart soared inside her chest at these words, and she leant down to kiss Brianna deeply, marvelling in the way she relaxed beneath her. Brianna was letting all her guards down, day by day, and it was the biggest victory Joan has ever achieved.

’’Okay.” She said, pulling back a little to look down at Brianna. ’’But you remember the rules, right?”

Of course she did, and Joan knew damn well she did, but she always needed assurance that Brianna wasn’t going to fall apart and could stick to them.

’’Safeword, if I want you to stop.” Brianna said, smiling. Joan nodded, kissing the tip of her nose.

’’And if you can’t talk, tap on my wrist like this.” She showed Brianna the pattern on her wrist, and Brianna nodded, giving her another smile.

Joan caressed Brianna’s neck gently. She had fantasized about wrapping her arms around that elegant throat, squeezing until Brianna’s eyes rolled back into her head, her cheeks growing flushed and her breathing becaming laboured. It was from the harder side of BDSM, and Joan wanted to make sure she wouldn’t hurt Brianna.

She closed her hands over Brianna’s throat, feeling it pulsating under her hand. Brianna’s expression was open and trusting as she looked up at her, and Joan squeezed ever so slightly.

Brianna’s eyelashes fluttered, tongue poking out to wet her lips. Joan eased her grip, letting her breathe.

’’How’s this?” She asked, rubbing her crotch against Brianna’s thigh that she was straddling.

’’Not bad.” Brianna said, opening her eyes again to look up at her. ’’You can keep going.”

Joan squeezed again, a little harder this time, and Brianna tensed momentarily before relaxing again. The muscles in her throat twitched, and Joan let her breathe again.

It was a weird sensation, and if Brianna wanted to be honest, it wasn’t very enjoyable. The first squeeze was exciting, but whenever Joan tightened her grip, the only thing she could think of was how uncomfortable it was. But Joan seemed very into it, pupils dilated as she choked her, humping Brianna’s leg. She seemed to be totally transfixed by the sight of her throat seizing under her hand, and Brianna could see the appeal to a degree. She just couldn’t feel it.

She could still get used to it, she told herself. She just needed to relax, and it wil be enjoyable. Joan liked it so much, it made her so horny- why would she deny her pleasure from her?

Brianna caught herself thinking like she did when she was with Hal. She always told herself that she will get used to it, that she just needed some time to relax, and then it would be good, and she didn’t want to be a bad sub for Hal…

And she didn’t want to be a bad sub for Joan now. The idea of disappointing her…god, Brianna surely wouldn’t survive. Joan was so nice to her, and how does she reciprocate? By being ungrateful and not enjoying it like she was supposed to.

The next grip was hard, cutting off her air completely for a few seconds, and Brianna’s sight went fuzzy at the edges: she couldn’t breathe, Joan was stronger, she was hurting her. This wasn’t enjoyable, at all. It was scary, but what was even scarier, was the realization that Hal managed to crawl into her brain again.

It was as if she heard herself from the inside as she spluttered ’’butter”, barely hearing her own voice over the thrumming of her blood in her ears. She swatted at Joan’s hand, pushing it away and coughing, wanting it to stop.

Joan pulled back immediately, letting Brianna catch her breath for a few seconds before pulling her into her arms, shushing her softly.

’’I’m so sorry.” She said, stroking Brianna’s back. ’’It’s okay.”

’’I’m sorry, Joan.” Brianna whispered, still gasping for air. ’’It hurt, and I couldn’t breathe, and…”

’’It’s okay.” Joan promised, kissing her cheek. Brianna sighed, tucking her face into Joan’s neck.

’’I remembered what Hal always used to say.” Brianna admitted, and Joan’s arms tightened around her protectively. ’’That I’m a bad sub, if I don’t do and enjoy what my dom does.”

’’This is not true.” Joan said, cupping her cheeks. ’’Brianna, you know it’s bullshit.”

’’I know.” Brianna said with a shaky breath, leaning into Joan’s touch. ’’I hate how he keeps popping up in my mind. I hate how he ruins everything.”

’’You’re getting so much better.” Joan said, caressing her cheek. ’’One day, he won’t be there anymore. You did a brave thing. You said your safeword and stopped despite how scared you were that I would be disappointed. I never would be, Brianna. This is the whole point, okay? If you don’t like something, we can always stop. Hal is not here anymore to hurt you.”

Brianna nodded, snuggling up in Joan’s safe arms again.

Joan was right: she did use her safeword despite the fear of being a ’’bad sub”, so that was definitely something.

And one day, Hal won’t be in her mind anymore.


	8. Break The Chain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brianna runs into a familiar face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little shorter than usual, and it has no smut in it, but I hope you can still find something good in it ;)

It was insane how quickly things could turn absolutely sour.

Brianna had a great morning before the incident. She woke up to a delicious smell lingering around, coming from the kitchen, telling her that Joan was in the process of making pancakes, putting a huge smile onto Brianna’s face. She padded out into the kitchen to help her, and they ended up having somewhat of a food fight (Brianna still had some pancake batter in her curls, now that you mention it). Then they made out against the counter, long and slow, which started to get a little more heated, both figuratively and literally as some of the pancakes burnt to a crisp in the meantime behind their backs. Joan was so upset she nearly threw the whole pan away, but Brianna just laughed. On other days, it would have been her getting upset and spiraling into an anxiety attack over burnt pancakes, but those days were gone now. She was much more relaxed nowadays, able to just live in the moment and enjoy it withouth breaking down over every little thing, anxiously watching what could go wrong. And this was the result of Joan’s tender care.

A little more than a month had passed since that night Joan took her home from the club, and though they still hadn’t officially stated they were an item, they were pretty much acting like your average couple. They were domestic, in every sense of the world. Brianna dated Hal longer than she dated Joan so far, and it never felt this natural. They never had random food fights in the kitchen, or watched a Netflix marathon together. If Brianna wanted to be honest, the only things indicating they were a couple is that they lived together, kissed, and had sex. They never even held hands, maybe sometimes in the beginning, but definitely not after. Her relationship with Hal wasn’t good, no matter how hard her frightened brain tried to twist it when they were still together. It wasn’t just the way he was handling BDSM, it wasn’t just the sex in general- it was everything. Brianna loved Hal in the beginning- though now she didn’t understand what the hell she saw in him, but maybe he was just a tad bit more human-like at first- but she had doubts if Hal ever loved her back.

With Joan, despite never having said the ’l word’ out loud before, Brianna felt more certain. Sure, she had her doubts- after being in a longterm relationship with someone who made it his mission to belittle her and making sure to doubt herself every single day, it made a lot of sense. And yet, she was more certain. Of her own feelings, she definitely was. Concerning Joan’s feelings, she felt more and more sure each day. Joan didn’t have an agenda: she just loved Brianna and wanted to help. She didn’t keep her around for some sinister purpose. It was just that simple, two people falling in love where no party had to be afraid that love was coming with terms and conditions. It was real, and natural.

Brianna couldn’t help a giddy little smile as she took the lacy bra into her hand, turning it this way and that. She was sure Joan would like it.

Their make-out session was unfortunately interrupted because Joan had to leave for work, but Brianna didn’t have classes today. She knew that Joan’s birthday was soon coming up, and she decided it was time to look for a gift for the both of them.

Brianna was getting really great at moving over huge obstacles. She found enjoyment in punishment now, she was able to say her safeword; she felt like she could do anything now. Another demon she had to fight off was the ’’putting on a show” one.

Hal used that as a punishment a lot: making Brianna get naked or wear those ridiculous, uncomfortable leather corsets and parade around for him the whole day. Brianna hated to be put on display like that, especially because Hal wasn’t even grateful; he would give some backhanded compliments, tell her that she was hot, but he wouldn’t mind if Brianna got a boob job for his next birthday. ’’Just a B-cup, baby.” He smirked, cupping Brianna’s small breast through her lacy bra. ’’That’s not big. I just want something nice to look at.” Of course Brianna hated the idea of dressing up for him after all that. And maybe that’s why Hal required it so often: after all, whatever Brianna found uncomfortable, the bastard truly enjoyed.

Joan knew about these fears, and so she never pushed Brianna into it. ’’Only if you want to, and I mean truly want to. Not because you feel like you have to.” That’s what she always said. Now, Brianna finally felt like she wanted to. She knew Joan would never demand it, would never make fun of her or use her insecurities and body image as punishment. She did so much for Brianna, helping her get away from Hal and away from her own self-depricating thoughts: she loved and cared for Brianna, helping her be free and true to herself. Brianna wanted to give something back, and even though she had no idea how to reciprocate the enormous favor Joan did her by taking her in and showing her the ’’ropes”, so to speak, she still felt like at least she could try and do something nice for her. And not because she felt like she had to. Because she wanted to.

She was hesitating between the lovely peach-colored set and a light blue baby-doll (it would go so well with her collar; Brianna shivered at the thought. Maybe she should take that one, and wear her collar with it) when it happened.

’’My my, familar faces.”

The lingerie fell out of her hand and onto the ground, but Brianna couldn’t pick it up, couldn’t move or speak: she was frozen, and it was terrifying, because she had no chance to run away. Her legs were rooted on the spot, and her ears were ringing. This cannot be happening, not now when she had such a nice morning and when she was feeling so amazing in general.

Hal seemed to find her flabbergasted state amusing, because he laughed. The freckled redhead on his arms didn’t laugh; she was staring at the ground, biting her lip.

Hal whistled lowly at the lingerie that Brianna dropped, bending down to retrieve it from the floor, handing it to her like he was doing her a huge favor.

’’Here you go. That’s lovely.” he said, referring to the peachy set. He raked his eyes over Brianna’s body, and Brianna felt her stomach churn violently. She was scared she would throw up right here, but honestly, that was all she could do. She knew she was trembling, could practically hear her bones rattling, but she couldn’t stop. She was scared and she was angry, and Hal was staring her down with a frightened girl on his arms. That was the worst possible scenario that could have happened to her today.

’’How’s your new girlfriend? Or had she thrown you out already?” Hal laughed, a terrible sound that chilled Brianna down to the bone.

’’Cat got your tongue?”

The girl next to him opened her mouth to say something but immediately shut it when Hal gave her a pointed glare. Brianna hated the fear in her eyes. It was too similar to the one in her own.

Hal gave a sigh that sounded positively disappointed. ’’You know, I feel sorry for you, Brianna. You had such a good life with me, and you threw it away. And for what? She’s gonna get bored of you, you know she will. I always knew how to put you back into your place. That is what you needed, Brianna. You were such a silly little thing, and I made sure to keep you in line. She ruined all our progress, don’t you see that? She’s making you full vanilla, and that’s not what you need, baby.”

He tried to caress Brianna’s cheek but she took a shaky step back, nearly tumbling over. Her brain started to finally catch up, her initial shock dissipating somewhat. She wasn’t going to let him get into her head again, she couldn’t, not after her and Joan worked so hard…

’’What is the point of that?” Hal asked, tutting. He pulled the redhead flush against his side, making her squeak. ’’This is Grace. She’s lovely, isn’t it? She knows her place, and she doesn’t run away. She is not a bad sub, like you.”

He knew what he was doing. Calling Brianna a bad sub had always got him what he wanted: Brianna dropping to her knees and begging for forgiveness.

That well-trained part of Brianna’s brain responded, and tears welled in her eyes. Hal was right. She was a bad sub, she ran away, she abandoned him when he…

_NO._

Brianna’s hands balled into fists, her nails digging into her palms so hard it hurt.

_NO._

Hal never loved her, never treated her right. Her place wasn’t on Hal’s side. She didn’t belong to him. She was her own person, fully capable of making her own decisions. And she chose a free life, she chose Joan. And this manipulation wasn’t going to work on her anymore. She was free, and she wasn’t going back.

’’If you come back,” Hal continued, oblivious to the flash of emotion in Brianna’s eyes. But again, how would he notice? That fire in those eyes was never there when they were together. It only rose aflame when Joan came along.

’’we could have a fantastic threesome. Look at this beauty. Grace wants it too.”

’’Shut up.” Brianna growled. Hal’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline, and Grace gasped, looking up at Brianna with something akin to awe in her eyes.

’’What did you just say?” Hal snarled, stepping closer to intimidate her, but this time, Brianna didn’t step back.

’’I said shut up.” Brianna repeated, her eyes glowing dangerously. ’’You are a despicable fucking person, Hal. You never loved me, you just loved the fact that you could control me. You fucking brainwashed me to be your little slave, your pet. You treated me like garbage all along, and I cannot believe it took me so long to realize that, but I see it now. You are miserable. You have no idea about how BDSM works, you’re just sadistic. And I’m done wasting my mental health on you.”

She turned to Grace, wiping a few tears that spilled out from the girl’s eyes.

’’You don’t have to stick around.” Brianna promised. ’’You can speak up for yourself. You are in an unhealthy relationship, I know that look. You are equal, and you are not a bad sub. He’s not the boss of you, go before he crawls into your brain completely like he did to mine.”

’’You fucking slut!” Hal snapped, raising his hand to hit her but Brianna caught his arm, digging her nails into his wrist until he was hissing like a feral cat.

’’Don’t you dare.” Brianna said, voice firmer and angrier than she ever heard herself before. Her eyes were boring deeply into Hal’s.

’’Is there a problem here?” A broad security guard asked, marching over to the commotion they were causing.

’’He tried to hit her.” Grace said quietly before Brianna or Hal could speak. Hal growled, and Brianna gave the girl a proud smile.

’’That’s bullshit!” Hal argued. ’’This slut grabbed my arm out of nowhere!”

The guy suddenly grabbed Hal and yanked him away, giving the two women an encouraging smile.

’’If someone talks like that about women, I just know he started it.” He explained, and Hal spluttered something, but he was already dragging him away.

Grace hugged Brianna so tight the taller woman squeaked. ’’Thank you.” Grace wept. ’’Thank you so much, I…”

’’You don’t have to thank me.” Brianna said, rubbing her back.

The police had to be involved because Hal punched the security guard. They took notes of the case, questioned Brianna and Grace about the incident. Brianna also told them about his bad temper, and her heart broke when Grace brokenly admitted he hit her multiple times. For what it was worth, it seemed like Hal wasn’t getting away this time.

Joan breathed a huge sigh of relief as Brianna walked through the door. She had been calling her all day but she hadn’t picked it up, and she imagined the worst possible scenarios.

’’I was worried sick!” Joan said, hugging her close. Brianna had a bag with her, but she doubted she was out the whole day because of shopping.

Joan was about to ask her what happened, but Brianna shushed her with a finger against her lips.

’’I love you.” Brianna said softly, and Joan’s heart nearly burst from the sincerity of her voice.

’’You do?”

Brianna nodded, cupping her cheeks gently. ’’I do. I love you, Joan, I love you so much you have no idea.”

’’I love you too.” Joan whispered, pressing their lips together in a deep kiss, pulling Brianna as close to her as possible. ’’I love you, I love you, I love you.”

Brianna giggled softly, kissing the tip of Joan’s nose.

’’I met Hal today.” She said with an overly cheerful tone, and Joan choked on her spit. She coughed a few times, tears blurring her vision.

’’What!?”

Just what they needed. God, they worked so hard, Brianna was getting so much better, and that fucking asshole swoops in and ruins everything…

’’I told him to fuck off. And I told his new girlfriend/sub that she didn’t need to swallow his abuse. And then I got him arrested. We might get a restraining order against him.”

Joan’s head was buzzing with all the information, and she went through the five stages of grief and an absolute rollercoaster of emotions in a span of a few seconds. First of all, she nearly exploded with rage at the idea that Hal cornered Brianna. Then, her eyes nearly popped out of her head at the thought that Brianna told him to fuck off. And then, she was happy and so, so proud of her Dove.

’’That’s…that’s amazing!” Joan laughed in disbelief, and Brianna giggled with her. This was like a dream come true.

And the best part? Brianna seemed happy. Confident. Free. She had been much better ever since Joan took her under her care, but this was different. It was like a huge weight was finally removed from her shoulders, like the remains of the chain that tied her to an abusive asshole were finally broken off her neck. Brianna was completely free now.

Joan scooped her up in her arms and spun her around, making Brianna shriek with laughter; she was complaining about getting dizzy, but Joan didn’t want to put her down ever again.

Brianna was free. She was free. They were free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bye-bye, motherfucker.


	9. Take A Bow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Joan birthday, and Brianna gives her a special gift.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember that Brianna went shopping...?

Joan wasn’t exactly proud of the high-pitched whine that escaped her lips right upon waking up, but she was pretty sure no one in their right mind would have been able to handle this delicious treatment silently.

The wet, warm sensation between her thighs made Joan shudder, and she slipped a hand beneath the duvet, blindly searching for the familiar, messy curls, tangling her hand in them once she found them. Brianna gave an appreciative little hum against her clit that sent chills down Joan’s spine, and she let out a soft moan, rolling her hips against Brianna’s face.

Considering how soaking wet she was, it seemed like Brianna had been at it for quite a long time now, meticulously pleasuring her until Joan was trembling with it, thighs falling further open on instinct. Brianna thrusted her tongue inside her, fucking her slowly with it, and Joan gave her a harsh tug on her hair, marvelling in the way Brianna whined against her heated parts; the hair pulling seemed to just rile her up even more, speeding her tempo up inside Joan while thumbing her clit, pressing down on it ever so gently. Joan tossed her head back against the pillow, her lips falling open on a deep moan as she felt the hot, molten heat coil in her lower belly, indicating she was getting closer and closer to the edge. When Brianna suddenly switched from thrusting inside her to nibble on her clit gently, Joan came, stuttering Brianna’s name out like a prayer as she rode the waves of her orgasm out against Brianna’s lips.

She couldn’t help but giggle tiredly as Brianna slid up her body, appearing from under the duvet, hair a true mess and her lips covered in Joan’s arousal. Brianna licked her lips slowly, humming at the taste appreciatively.

’’Happy Birthday, Ma’am.” Brianna purred as she kissed her way up on Joan’s chest, until she reached her lips where the planted the softest kiss, giving Joan a taste of herself. Joan tangled her fingers in Brianna’s hair to pull her in closer, dragging her tongue over Brianna’s bottom lip in a way she knew was going to drive her crazy. The nickname- Ma’am- didn’t fail to catch Joan’s attention. So they were already playing then. Interesting, Brianna usually preferred Joan taking charge with their scenes, rarely initiating them herself, but Joan definitely wasn’t complaining about her sub- and now, girlfriend (!)- getting so excited to start that she couldn’t wait.

’’Very happy, indeed.” Joan mused, nipping at Brianna’s lower lip gently, making her growl softly against her lips.

’’This is the best gift I could ever receive, my Dove.”

Brianna licked her lips, her eyes darkening, pupils blown so wide the black nearly swallowed the beautiful hazel around it. Joan loved this look, she definitely did.

’’I have another gift for you.” Brianna said, rubbing her cheek against Joan’s hand when she brought it up to caress her face like a cat, making Joan smile.

’’I bought it the day I ran into Hal.”

To see Brianna not shuddering anymore at saying his name out loud made Joan happy and proud beyond belief, and she pressed a soft kiss onto Brianna’s lips in appreciation.

’’Hm, you have my interest.”

She could remember the bag in Brianna’s hand when she walked through the door, but it wasn’t transparent so Joan couldn’t see what was inside it. Sue her, she tried to rummage around her flat to find it –Brianna was the one who had to be a good girl, she could be a nasty one- but she had no idea where Brianna hid it, and it just made her curiosity even more tickled. She couldn’t wait to see what it was.

’’I’ll show you tonight.” Brianna promised, kissing the tip of Joan’s nose. ’’After I cooked a nice dinner for you.”

’’You’re spoiling me.” Joan laughed softly, wrapping her arms around Brianna to pull her against her chest.

’’It’s your birthday.” Brianna chuckled softly, placing a tiny kiss against Joan’s collarbone.

’’You deserve to be spoiled.”

Dinner was fantastic. Joan was aware that Brianna was quite the great cook, but she never would have thought she would make such a killer steak. The idea of her vegetarian girlfriend chopping meat for her made Joan feel guilty, but Brianna just cupped her cheek, pressing a soft kiss against her lips.

’’It’s okay.” She said, smiling. ’’I really do want to spoil you.”

Well, Joan wasn’t gonna stop her from doing that, especially since it seemed like Brianna genuinely didn’t mind touching meat for her. It wasn’t like with Hal when she forced herself into uncomfortable situations: she truly wanted to make Joan happy, not out of fear of being a disappointment, but because that’s what she wanted, and this made Joan’s heart soar.

The wine was also fantastic, paired perfectly with the rich meat, and Joan joked about not getting any action tonight if she bursts, but Brianna just chuckled softly, hiding her smirk in her wine glass. That made Joan sure of what she already suspected, that Brianna’s gift for her was tied to their BDSM activities, or to sex at least. It really sounded like Joan was in for a great night.

Admittedly, while Brianna was a good cook, she couldn’t bake to save her life (which was just ridiculous, according to Joan, baking was much easier than cooking, and yet…), so she ordered Joan a fantastic dark chocolate cake from the nearest confectionary. It was a little too sweet for Joan’s liking, but other than that it was pretty good, and Brianna smiled too adorably at her to refuse it anyway.

Brianna gave Joan some time to cool off after dinner, though not before she threatened her that if she falls asleep, she won’t receive her gift.

’’You’re mean.” Joan said, pulling Brianna down on her lap. ’’I’m going to punish you.”

’’Not tonight, Ma’am.” Brianna purred, wounding her arms around Joan’s neck who smirked back up at her.

’’I’m really curious about the gift you have gotten me.” Joan said, tapping her fingers against Brianna’s jaw. ’’I can already tell I’m going to like it.”

’’I hope so.” Brianna said softly, her lips curling into the most beautiful smile Joan had ever seen.

Brianna left Joan to surf through the channels on the tv while she went to prepare Joan’s gift. She hid the bag with the babydoll that she bought between her papers that she always carried with herself to the university. It was a large, overwhelming pile, and Brianna knew Joan would never look for her gift there, just as much as she was sure Joan turned the flat upside down to get a peek like an overly excited child.

She pulled the lingerie out of the bag, running her finger over the smooth material. It was completely see-through, except for the cleavage where it was lacy with delicate flower patterns, and a tiny bow in the middle to top it off. It came in a set with a tiny G-string: Brianna picked that up too, along with her collar, and padded out to the bathroom to get ready.

She took a quick shower, rubbing her body over with her favorite, cherry blossom scented lotion. She knew Joan was head over heels for that scent too. She didn’t do too much with her hair, as it was freshly washed anyways, and she didn’t have either time or craft to pull it into complicated hairdos. It would just ruin the experience anyway, so she let it fall to her shoulders in its typical, natural curls. She put on some make-up, just the tiniest amount; she usually wasn’t big on it and only wore it to special occasions, but it was one of them. She wanted to look like the perfect gift for Joan.

Then came the lingerie.

Brianna would have lied if she said she didn’t have her doubts or fears: she finally felt like she managed to get rid of Hal’s venom completely, but the idea of putting herself out on display like that still terrified her a little. She panicked a bit and had to hold onto the edge of the sink to keep herself grounded. It’s going to be okay, she kept telling herself as she looked at her reflection in the mirror. This wasn’t punishment: it was her own gift for Joan. And Joan would never comment on her body in the way Hal did. He was gone from her life for good, he couldn’t hurt her anymore. Brianna wanted to do this, for both of them: giving a nice gift for Joan’s birthday as well as thanking her for all she had done for her, and stepping over this obstacle too. It was time to get rid of Hal completely, and banish every remaining fear he had caused for her.

She turned this way and that, checking herself out. She looked good. She directly went for a babydoll without push up, and if she wanted to be honest, she looked great despite what Hal always said. The sheer material lingered around her body as she turned, swaying softly against her hips. The lovely blue tone went perfectly with her collar. Brianna had some trouble clasping the buckle, but she wanted to wear it, so she struggled and swore until it was hugging her neck. It looked amazing. The thong was tiny, just barely keeping her modest, and Brianna blushed softly at the sight of herself. All in all, she did look sexy. 

She took a few more calming breaths before pulling on her bathrobe, shuffling back to the living room where Joan was half dozing, half watching some kind of brainless action movie on the tv. Her eyes lit up immediately when she spotted her girlfriend, opening her arms for her to climb into them, but Brianna shook her head, making Joan let out a confused little snort.

’’I told you I wanted to give you your actual gift.” Brianna said, trying to keep the shakiness out of her voice. ’’Would you turn off the tv for me, Ma’am, please?”

Joan did, putting the remote aside and leaning back in her favorite armchair, raking her eyes over Brianna. This wasn’t subtle at all, Brianna prancing in here in- seemingly- nothing but a bathrobe and her collar while clearly wearing some light make-up and sounding a little nervous. Joan was now sure that Brianna would be wearing her gift, and while it excited her, it also worried her. She knew about Brianna’s fears of putting on a show, thanks to Hal, and the last thing she wanted is for Brianna to accidentally trigger herself.

’’Dove.” She said softly, getting Brianna’s attention who was in the process of popping a CD into the player. ’’You know you don’t have to do this for me.”

’’I don’t have to.” Brianna said, straightening back up. ’’But I want to.”

Sensual music filled the room- a little cheesy, perhaps, but perfect for what Brianna planned, and she moved a little closer to Joan, swaying her hips ever so slightly. Joan’s eyes were already fixated on her, and Brianna pulled on the sash that held the lapels of the robe together slowly, watching as Joan followed the movement hungrily.

The robe slipped open, letting Joan catch a glimpse of something blue and delicate. Brianna turned her back on her, swallowing thickly as she prepared herself for the big move. She shrugged the robe off, letting it fall to the floor behind her, and she heard Joan gasp.

She turned back as elegantly as she could, and her heart soared at the total awe she saw on Joan’s face. Joan was nearly drooling as she looked her over, pupils blown wide with lust.

’’God, Dove.” Joan breathed, raking her eyes over the flimsy lingerie. ’’You’re so beautiful.”

’’Thank you, Ma’am.” Brianna purred, suddenly feeling a wave of confidence wash over her. Joan found her lovely. She wasn’t picking her apart: she enjoyed her show to the max, squirming in her seat a little.

Brianna ran a teasing hand over the babydoll, rucking it up ever so slightly to put the tiny thong more on display, making the breath hitch in Joan’s throat audibly. She swayed her hips slowly to the music, keeping eye contact with Joan as much as she could. She was still feeling a little shy, and blushing, but Joan didn’t seem to mind.

Her dance moves were nothing special, mostly just turning rhythmically this way and that to show the lingerie off from every angle, and it still made Joan eat her up with her eyes in all the best ways.

Joan’s eyes widened as Brianna slowly made her way over to her, bending down right in front of her as she placed her hands on Joan’s knees, leaning so close their lips almost touched.

’’Do you really like your present, Ma’am?” Brianna asked, stroking her hands up Joan’s thighs. Joan nodded, reaching up to tuck a piece of hair behind her lover’s ear.

’’I really do. You are the most beautiful thing I have ever laid my eyes on.”

Brianna blushed at the praise, turning around to rub her shapely bottom against Joan’s lap. Joan grabbed onto her hips, helping her grind down more effieciently, and Brianna’s head was buzzing with how quickly she was approaching the deepest depths of subspace.

’’What a good, beautiful girl for me.” Joan purred, giving her ass a tiny smack, not enough to even sting, but it made Brianna’s blood boil all the same.

’’Come, sit on my lap, I want to feel you more.”

Brianna obliged, straddling Joan’s lap and wrapping her arms around her neck, looking down at her coyly. Joan smirked, reaching up to run her finger over Brianna’s silk collar, making her let out a soft whimper as she squirmed on her lap.

’’Is this all for me?” Joan asked, hooking her finger under the collar slightly, feeling as Brianna swallowed under her hand, her pink tongue poking out to wet her lips.

’’It’s all for you, Ma’am. I’m yours.”

Joan couldn’t help a little groan at that. She was feeling near dizzy with the rush of emotions this sentence sent all over her brain and body, and she yanked on Brianna’s collar a little harder, making her gasp and roll her hips down against her lap.

’’Say it again.” Joan said, releasing Brianna’s collar to roam her hands over her body.

’’I’m yours.” Brianna said, rolling her hips down again, making Joan moan softly.

’’I’m yours, Ma’am, only yours.”

’’God.” Joan moaned, cupping Brianna’s breasts before sliding her hand down, stroking across her flat stomach, squeezing her hips and her thighs and her butt, touching her everywhere she could reach.

’’So beautiful and all mine. I’m gonna eat you up alive, god, look at yourself how fucking beautiful you are, such a good girl for me, so perfect.”

Brianna moaned happily at the praise, kissing Joan sloppily, and now she was more humping Joan’s lap than giving her a lapdance, but Joan didn’t mind, couldn’t mind, not when Brianna was so gorgeous on her lap like this.

’’Is this okay?” Joan asked, kissing over Brianna’s neck, not able to resist licking at the place where the soft skin met the tight collar, making Brianna shiver ever so slightly.

’’It’s so okay.” Brianna said, kissing her again. ’’I doubt I’m gonna need my safeword. I want this, I want you.”

Joan moaned at these words, grabbing Brianna’s hips again and pulling her down, letting her get some more friction against her heated parts. She could see a wet patch spreading at the front of her panties, and Joan nearly drooled at the sight. She was aware her own underwear must be in a similar state.

’’I want to ride your fingers.” Brianna moaned against her lips, thrusting her hips forward against nothing hungrily.

Joan tutted, giving her bottom a firm spank, making Brianna yelp.

’’Where are your manners, Dove? Ask me nicely.”

Brianna gave a little giggle before nuzzling Joan’s neck, nipping lightly at the sensitive skin until Joan gave a breathy moan.

’’Please, Ma’am.” Brianna said softly, batting her eyelashes almost innocently,

’’Please, let me ride your fingers.”

Joan grinned, reaching under the babydoll to pull the thong aside, making Brianna shiver in anticipation.

’’That’s more like it.” Joan purred, slipping her hand under the garment, thumbing Brianna’s clit. She was so wet she knew she could easily slip in right away, but she loved teasing her impatient sub.

’’Please.” Brianna moaned, rolling her hips against Joan’s hand. ’’Please, Ma’am, fuck me, I’m so wet for you…”

It was rare to hear Brianna state her desire so openly, and it made Joan’s blood boil in all the best ways. She smirked, slipping two fingers inside. Brianna really was such a good girl, she deserved to have her needs taken care of.

Brianna moaned happily as Joan’s fingers slipped inside her, and she lifted her hips before lowering herself again, throwing her head back in pleasure. Joan gripped Brianna’s hip with her free hand, helping her find a rhythym as Brianna started to fuck herself on her fingers, letting out the most beautiful little ’ah’s and ’oh’s.

’’This is the most amazing present ever.” Joan breathed, kissing Brianna’s jaw lovingly. Brianna whined, tightening around her fingers as a response.

’’I wanted to thank you.” Brianna breathed, rolling her hips down against Joan’s hand with a low moan.

’’For everything you have done for me. You’re the…ahh, that feels so good…you’re the best dom in the entire world.”

Joan blinked quickly so Brianna wouldn’t see the tears that gathered in her eyes at her words. This was the most amazing thing anyone had ever told her. All she did to help Brianna definitely came into fruition: Brianna was happy and sated and free with her. This was the most rewarding thing ever. Joan was so proud of Brianna, first and foremost, but she was eternally happy that she managed to give her a little push to being finally free.

’’I love you.” Joan said against Brianna’s lips who moaned, eagerly returning the kiss.

’’I love you too.”

All in all, the fact that Brianna was so happy and free would have been enough of a present for Joan, but she definitely appreciated the lingerie too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone wants to see the babydoll that I used as reference, take a look:
> 
> https://mysecretdrawer.co/product/blue-sheer-mesh-babydoll-lingerie-with-g-string/


	10. Take Me Back To The Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's only one last obstacle Brianna wants to move over, and luckily, Joan is there to assist her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's it, folks. I'm so happy that so many people left kudos and commented on this and were generally very supportive, I love you all so much!!!! <33

Brianna usually wasn’t too into very revealing clothing, but she decided to go all out tonight. The cleavage was deeper than usual, and the tight, form-fitting dress clung to her body, hugging her small waist that was currently groped by a very eager Joan, who kept nuzzling the back of her neck, placing little kisses all over her neck and cheeks.

’’How do you expect me to control myself when you look like this?” Joan purred, nipping softly at Brianna’s earlobe, causing her to shiver lightly before turning around, gently pushing Joan away.

This way, Joan could get a better look at the navy blue dress, and she was aware the look on her face was positively hungry- but honestly, who could blame her? Her girlfriend was insanely hot.

Though even through the fog of lust, Joan was a tad bit worried. They were supposed to go back to the BDSM club- ’’Roped Inn” -they have met at, and she couldn’t help but feel a little nervous. She knew exactly why Brianna was there on that fateful evening. Hal dragged her out to ’’lend” her over to strangers, like she was just a toy, a piece of object that could be borrowed. Brianna had been so carefree and happy ever since they got their restraining order against Hal, free from the awful memories; sometimes she still had nightmares where Joan pushed her back into the arms of the monster, but they were less frequent. After some meticulous nagging from Joan’s part, Brianna agreed to seek out a therapeutist just in case. She did have some light PTSD, and it was better to take care of it the slighter symptoms, than ignoring them and letting them escalate and grow so huge that they couldn’t fight it off anymore.

The changes in Brianna were evident: she was much more relaxed and stopped looking over her shoulder, stopped expecting Hal to crawl out of the depths of Hell and try to drag her down with him.

But visiting the club again could have been potentionally triggering, and Joan would have hated to see everything they have built crumbling down; even more so, she would hate to see Brianna suffering again.

’’This is the very last of the shackles.” Brianna said softly, as if she was reading Joan’s mind. She cupped her cheeks, brushing her thumbs over her cheekbones in a way that made Joan melt.

’’If I can go there, if I can have a good night without breaking down, that it means I’m truly better now. That I’m one-hundred percent free.”

Joan sighed, pulling her close. Sometimes she wished she was taller than Brianna, because then she could envelope her in her arms properly, but tucking her own face into Brianna’s neck was quite lovely too. She stroked her hips absentmindedly, and Brianna hummed, wrapping her arms around her shoulders.

’’But if you feel bad, or if you panic,” Joan started softly, pressing another kiss into the crook of Brianna’s neck, ’’we leave, and immediately.”

’’Alright.” Brianna said, pulling back a little so she could look Joan in the eyes. A hint of a smirk was playing at her lips.

’’Should I wear high-heels, or should I let you keep your dignity?”

Joan gasped, before slapping Brianna’s ass, making her yelp and then let out a soft little giggle.

’’Someone is getting very bratty.” Joan tutted, though she couldn’t exactly muster her ’’dom voice” right now: her girlfriend was too adorable.

’’Well…” Brianna started, biting her lip in a way that definitely didn’t fail to stir something deep within Joan, ’’maybe I want you to be cross with me and punish me.”

Not so adorable, then.

’’Oh?” Joan mused, arching an eyebrow. She grabbed Brianna by the hips and pulled her close until their bodies were pressed flush against one another. Brianna’s pupils dilated and a pink blush spread on her face, causing Joan to grin.

’’Well, you know, that club has private rooms.”

’’I know.” Brianna said softly, leaning so close her breath was tickling Joan’s cheeks and neck.

’’That’s why I want to go there.”

The maddening mix of innocence and sultriness in both Brianna’s voice and eyes made Joan’s blood boil in all the best ways, and a deep, guttural growl ripped out of her throat. She pulled Brianna down by tugging on her curls, crashing their lips together in a harsh, bruising kiss, all tongues and teeth clashing together, and Brianna whimpered prettily into her mouth.

They needed to start getting ready again after practically tearing each other’s clothes off, but it was definitely worth it.

The music could be heard even outside of the club, pumping with a heavy bass. A few people were outside smoking or just chatting; from the looks of it, no one could tell this wasn’t just a regular nightclub. Except for the name with the heavy innuendo, and the red neon sign that formed two delicate wrists tied tightly together by silk ropes.

Joan looked up at Brianna to watch her reactions. She had her head held up high, nose in the air. She reminded Joan of a noble deer right now, and she couldn’t help but give her a gentle smile.

’’Feeling okay?” She checked, squeezing Brianna’s hand a little tighter. Brianna looked down at her (she didn’t wear her high-heels, eventually, but she was still taller, damn her), and gave her a soft smile.

’’Yes. Don’t worry. If I feel scared, I’ll tell you.”

Joan could at least be sure of that now. Brianna became so much more confident in communicating her feelings, be it stopping an uncomfortable scene or bringing up something new she wanted to try. Joan was convinced that if Brianna truly wants to leave tonight, she wouldn’t just swallow it down, but would actually tell Joan.

Joan brought Brianna’s hand up to her lips and pressed a light kiss onto her knuckles before leading her inside. The volume of the music picked up as they fully confronted it inside, the bass strumming away in their veins. Joan never took her eyes off Brianna, wanting to make sure she’d see if a sign of discomfort would show on her face. So far, Brianna was just looking around curiously: she probably didn’t really get the chance to take a good look around, what with Hal yanking her around like a ragdoll and trying to manipulate her into sleeping with strangers. Now she could finally take everything in.

The main area looked just like any club, with people dancing under the neon lights or ordering their drinks at the bar. Except, some people here wore leather or other risque outfits; some of them were half-naked or wore pet costumes and were lead around on a leash on all fours. And there were the private backrooms, of course, though Brianna haven’t seen those.

’’Wanna take a look around?” Joan asked as if she was reading Brianna’s mind, giving her hand another encouraging squeeze. Brianna nodded, and followed Joan as she expertly lead her through the crowd.

’’Something tells me you came here a lot before you met me here.” Brianna teased, and Joan chuckled softly.

’’Well, I’m not gonna lie, I visited this club a lot. And other ones too, but those are much less…sophisticated, so to speak. You know, there are no private rooms there; you walk through the entrance, and you are immediately met by the sight of people fucking. It was a little bit too much, if you ask me.”

Brianna laughed softly. She could easily imagine it. Roped Inn was definitely a much more cultured place, even with people crawling on the floor like animals sometimes.

Joan navigated them to a secluded area that was separated by a door that looked much heavier than it actually was. Behind the door, a long corridor stretched out before them.

Joan looked back at Brianna. The lights here were much better, not as heavy and strobing as the club lightning, and she could see Brianna’s face perfectly. She seemed relaxed and curious; no sign of discomfort or panic.

’’Okay?” Joan still felt the need to check. Brianna nodded, smiling honestly.

’’Yes. I’m excited, Ma’am.”

Joan grinned. Brianna’s ability to switch from her usual attitude to subspace was truly astounding. She was glad Brianna chose to wear her collar today: it made her look even more endearing and submissive.

’’Alright, then. Follow me, Dove.”

They walked along the corridor, and Brianna was looking from one door to the other, buzzing with excitement. Some of them were closed and clearly occupied, but some of them were open and empty, and Brianna could get a good look inside. She saw a room with a cage in the middle, collars and leashes hanging off the walls and bowls on the floor, clearly for people who were into pet play. The next empty room looked like a medieval torture chamber with chains and paddles and other equipment Brianna didn’t even recognize. That was probably for people prefering the heavier side of BDSM.

’’If you want to try something, just tell me.” Joan said over her shoulder as they walked along. Brianna hummed; so far, she was just relishing in looking over everything, but haven’t found one that interested her. There were still quite a few rooms, though.

One of them looked just like a regular room with a quite comfortable looking bed in the middle, but there were handcuffs attached to the bedpost, and Brianna could see a lot of other equipment stacked on the bedside table.

’’What about this one?” She asked, and Joan immediately stopped.

’’I know it’s not too exciting…”

Her voice went a tad bit insecure, and Joan tutted softly, caressing her cheek.

’’It’s okay, Dove. I love it.”

Brianna immediately lit up. ’’So, can we try it?”

Joan nodded then took her hand again, leading her inside the room and closing it behind them. Brianna took a good look around: she could see paddles, whips, flogs leant against the walls, various ropes and handcuffs, several bottles of lube in all kinds of flavors, soothing oils for aftercare and blindfolds. She picked one up, running her finger over the smooth material.

’’Found something you like?” Joan asked, wrapping her arms around her middle from behind and dropping a kiss onto her shoulder.

Brianna showed her the blindfold, and Joan hummed in appreciation.

’’Mhm, lovely. What else?”

Brianna walked around the room to examine everything from up close. Though she teased Joan about punishment, she wasn’t really feeling it now, so she purposefully avoided the paddles and various other equipments that could be used for that. Joan took mental note of that.

Something caught Brianna’s attention: it looked like a feather duster, something people used for tidying. She picked it up, flicking the dark blue feathers. They were soft and pleasant on the skin, and Brianna hummed thoughtfully.

Joan sat on the edge of the bed, watching as her sub explored everything.

’’Well? Any ideas?”

’’What is this for?” Brianna asked, holding the feathers up for Joan to see. ’’I haven’t used one like this before.”

’’It’s for tickling.” Joan said. She patted her thighs, a sign for Brianna to come and sit on her lap, and she did just that, settling down on Joan but never letting go of the duster.

’’Tickling?” Brianna asked, ruffling the feathers again. They were definitely soft. Joan gently took it from her.

’’Hold out your hand.”

Brianna did, extending her arms with her palms up. Joan ran the feathers over her wrists where she knew Brianna’s skin was quite sensitive, and sure enough, Brianna gasped softly.

’’How does it feel?” Joan asked, caressing her again. Brianna blushed, but there was a small smile tugging on her lips.

’’It feels nice.”

Joan hummed, gently pulling Brianna’s dress up so she could lightly tickle the inside of her thighs with the feathers, and Brianna audibly swallowed.

’’Wanna play with it properly?” Joan asked, kissing Brianna’s shoulder.

’’If I handcuff you, and put the blindfold on you, it will be even better. Your senses would be heightened and you would be more sensitive.”

Brianna contemplated it for a few seconds, letting Joan run it over her legs. It already felt quite nice, especially over her erogenous zones. The idea of light sensory deprivation, and the only feeling is that softness teasing all over her sensitive skin…

’’Okay.” Brianna said. ’’I’d love to try it.”

Joan grinned, pulling her into a soft kiss that quickly turned more filthy as Joan teased higher up on her thigh with the feathers, and Brianna parted her lips on a gasp, letting Joan slip her tongue inside.

She eagerly sucked on Joan’s tongue, making her let out a deep growl against her lips. Her hand ran up on Brianna’s body to cup her breasts before running up even higher to hook a finger under her collar teasingly, making her whimper into her mouth softly.

’’Alright. Take your clothes off for me.”

Brianna nodded, sliding off Joan’s lap. She quickly pulled the dress over her head, leaving her standing only in her underwear and bra.

’’So impatient.” Joan laughed, but watched with hungry eyes all the same as Brianna kicked off her shoes, then unclasped her bra and throwing it down onto the quickly growing clothes pile underneath her. She eased her panties down and stepped out of them elegantly, standing before Joan in all her naked glory.

Joan didn’t care what Hal or anyone said: Brianna naked was a breathtaking sight. She was thin, with bones jutting out and sharp, angular edges, but that’s why Joan loved her so much. Just on the first day she met her, she thought the same: Brianna was perfect in her imperfection, hard and soft, tiny and tall at the same time.

’’Gorgeous.” Joan breathed and Brianna blushed softly before walking back to the bed, standing before Joan. Joan ran a hand over her hips and thighs, caressing the soft skin. She watched with awe as goosebumps rose all over Brianna’s body and her tiny nipples hardened, and she leaned forward to press a loving kiss onto her flat stomach.

’’Get on the bed, please.”

Brianna did, settling against the soft pillows that were expertly arranged. She reached her arms above her head obediently, and Brianna smiled.

’’I’m going to handcuff you to the bedpost now. Is that okay?”

’’Yes.” Brianna said, licking her lips hungrily as Joan retrieved the handcuffs from the bedpost and fastened them around her wrists, clasping them into place before fixing her hands against the headboard.

Brianna tugged on them softly. They dug into her hands more than the ropes they used at home did, but it wasn’t uncomfortable: if anything, it felt thrilling.

Joan held up the blindfolds next. ’’Rules?”

’’I can only call you Ma’am, and I will say my safeword if it’s too much. But I’m feeling very good right now, Ma’am.”

Joan chuckled at Brianna’s eager voice before fastening the blindfold around her head.

’’Can you see through it?”

Brianna checked: it was total darkness, and it made her pulse beat faster. She couldn’t see anything, and she was tied up, helpless. And yet, she wasn’t scared. She was excited by the prospect of completely depending on her dom. She shook her head, and Joan hummed.

She felt Joan’s hands roam over her body, and her skin was already covered in goosebumps. Joan was right about her heightened senses: she couldn’t see anything, didn’t know what Joan would do next and could only rely on feeling, and it was the most amazing thing she has ever experienced.

She let out a soft moan as Joan teased the feathers over her arms. Every little hair on them stood on end as the soft material slid over the whole length of her arms: Joan played special attention to her wrists, which felt even more sensitive with the handcuffs digging into them.

’’Does it feel good?” Joan purred, and Brianna could swear even her voice sounded different now that she couldn’t see her.

’’Yes.” She moaned, squirming. ’’It feels very good, Ma’am.”

Joan hummed appreciatively before stroking down her neck, teasing the skin where her collar hugged her throat tight, making Brianna shiver softly.

Next, she teased over Brianna’s breasts, circling her nipples with the feathers until Brianna was whimpering and arching off the bed, then she let the duster stroke over the pert nipples. Brianna sighed happily, pushing her chest further out to get more of the amazing sensations. Joan leaned forward to suck her other nipple into her mouth, and Brianna cried out from the double pleasure of the feathers and Joan’s mouth teasing her sensitive buds.

She teased over Brianna’s stomach, following every trail of the feathers with a little kiss. Brianna was now squirming, and her whole body grew flushed under her ministrations. She was an absolute work of art.

The feathers stroked over her hips before sliding over her thighs, tickling the sensitive insides of them and Brianna moaned, spreading her legs further apart. Her pussy was glistening invitingly, and Joan couldn’t help but chuckle softly. Brianna’s body was an absolute gold mine: so many things could turn her on, and Joan was more than happy to experiment with her.

She kept tickling Brianna’s thighs until her whines grew almost frustrated, not getting attention at where she wanted it the most. Joan wasn’t cruel, though.

Brianna whined at the loss when the feathers disappeared, but it quickly turned into a deep moan as Joan’s wet and eager mouth appeared against her heated parts, sucking her swollen clit into her mouth.

Brianna’s nerve endings were buzzing from all the teasing, and Joan’s tongue against her felt like Heaven. She tossed her head back and let out a happy moan as Joan licked a long stripe across her wet folds before dipping her tongue inside her entrance, fucking her with her tongue.

Brianna let out a little sob as the feathers appeared again, teasing her thighs and hips constantly while Joan ate her out. The sensation was overwhelming but simply fantastic, and Brianna thrusted her hips forward, rolling them against Joan’s face in ecstasy.

She came with a cry of Joan’s name, back arching off the bed in a pretty bow, chest heaving. Joan pulled back and took the blindfold off, making Brianna blink quickly against the sudden light. 

’’How are we feeling?” Joan purred, and Brianna giggled happily, still in subspace. Joan took off the handcuffs too, retrieving some soothing oil and rubbing it into the skin of her wrists.

She scooped Brianna up in her arms and cuddled her close against her chest, making her purr happily and smush her cheeks against Joan’s chest.

’’I’m happy.” Brianna said quietly but with a lot of meaning, and Joan smiled.

’’So am I. I’m happy that you’re happy.”

’’I’m at the club, and I’m having fun.” Brianna giggled, sounding almost drunk, and Joan laughed with her.

’’You are.”

’’I’m not scared. I’m safe with you.”

Joan smiled, kissing her curls. ’’Of course you are. I will always keep you safe.”

’’I will keep you safe too.” Brianna said, kissing Joan’s collarbone. ’’We will keep each other safe.”

Joan laughed, her arms tightening around Brianna. ’’You’re always so sappy after a scene.”

Brianna hummed, snuggling closer, placing her hand right over Joan’s heart. She could feel it thumping even under her shirt.

’’I want to party.” She said, and Joan grinned, kissing her forehead.

’’We can. After you came back fully. We will go out, and dance.”

Brianna grinned, her eyes fluttering close in bliss.

’’I want a Mojito.”

Joan hooked a finger under her chin, tilting her face upwards to plant a sweet kiss against her lips.

’’Anything for you, My Dove.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would die for these two.
> 
> As you could tell, there will be a second part to this; I'm not sure when will I manage to get to it, because I want to work on some other projects before, but stay tuned nonetheless!

**Author's Note:**

> You can also find me on Tumblr at bambirex,
> 
> or
> 
> bambirexwrites, where I take requests about fem!queen and fem!borhap, so feel free to drop by and send me something! :))


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